Photo by Victoria Pickering
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
People from other places always complain about “Washington,” as in the big scary boogy man who passes dumb laws, or doesn’t pass anything, and is somehow immoral or disconnected from real America. Of course, that Washington only exists on Capitol Hill, and it was created by the voters who claim to hate Washington. But we know it’s not like that—and here’s a prime example of what a moral and upstanding city we are!
Overheard of the Week
At Wunder Garten, Saturday evening:
Mother to child, about 3 years old: “Everyone else here is wearing pants, you need to put on pants too.”
——
Ya think?
Monday afternoon in a quasi-government agency office:
Man: “It says that today is Wife Appreciation Day.”
Woman: “How is that different than Mother’s Day?”
(Long pause.)
Woman: “Oh. I guess some wives aren’t mothers … “
——
Fashion!
At Hank’s on the Hill, home of the “an Italian gentleman riding his bike through the piazza with his pant leg rolled slightly above his ankle” cocktail, at 10:15 on a Friday night:
A bearded man in a pink polo: “I can definitely roll my pant leg above my ankle, I’m a douchebag.”
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A big DC Water fan
At the Kennedy Center after the Aida performance on Friday:
An older man goes to a water fountain. After taking a drink: “Mmmm, fresh from the Nile!”
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Sounds great: take lots of naps, eat, be grumpy
Tuesday morning, walking north on Georgia Ave. in Petworth:
Dad: “You’ll need to explain this again to me. I don’t think I understand the game. You said she likes to play ‘cat’?”
5 or 6-year old son: “Yeah.”
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Very intense
At Big Bear:
Angry millennial girlfriend to boyfriend about him not turning off his alarm: “I have to experience the dark in the morning. If I don’t experience the dark, I just don’t feel like it’s going to be a real day. I need to feel the dark.”
——
Burn
In line for food at the Georgetown campus farmer’s market:
College guy: “It’s so crowded I’m gonna move my backpack to the front … it reminds me of all the pickpocketing in Madrid.”
College woman: “You don’t have anything worth stealing”
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Technology!
At 7 p.m. on Wisconsin Ave NW:
An early 30s man is talking to an early 30s woman as she types on her phone.
Man: “Wait… you can actually pay for parking with an app?”
Woman, not looking up from phone: “Yep.”
Man, genuinely surprised: “That. Is. Amazing.”
——
It’s almost haunted house season
At Wunder Garten:
A group of late 20s friends are talking, deciding where to go next.
Man: “Where was that place we went to last time?”
Woman: “Silence and Noise!”
Man: “No, that sounds like a horror movie.”
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Needs improvement
Wednesday evening on the X1 commuter bus:
Girl on the phone giving breakup advice to a male friend: “Be critical, but constructive. You know, like a performance review.”
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Put that on Yelp!
Two guys in the high-speed elevator at Rosslyn Metro on Friday morning:
Guy 1: “It’s kind of like a Chick-fil-A, but everyone is dressed a lot nicer and the servers are friendly.”
Guy 2: “I don’t know if that’s how I’d describe The Tombs, but okay …”
——
This got serious
On the Metro:
A man and woman both in their early to mid twenties, presumably dating, are talking about logistical details for the weekend.
Woman: “Why don’t you leave clothes at my place?”
Guy (very practically, without hesitation): “I’m not there enough.”
Woman: “Ouch.”
Guy: silence.
——
The Mall is dark and full of terrors
Friday night on the backside of Lincoln Memorial looking at Virginia:
A group of 20 something women s are sitting and talking. Suddenly one woman gets freaked out by a spider.
Woman: “My whole life flashed before my eyes and it was SHORT!”
Moments later, to friend: “Can you pat me down, TSA style!?”
