Photo by Lauren Parnell Marino
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
When you’re a kid, you think about what you want to be when you grow up—maybe an astronaut, musician, or actor. But as you get older, the goals become less extravagant.
Overheard of the Week
At a Sunday wedding:
“I mean, I could go to the after party, but I also want to make it to Trader Joe’s tonight.”
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#resist
At TJ Maxx in Alexandria:
Dressing room attendant: “Oh good! So you liked that dress?”
Lady: “Yeah! I hate that it’s Ivanka Trump, but at least she’s going out of business.”
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Oof
At a conference on Capitol Hill:
Moderator: “We’ll break for lunch at 1 and reconvene at 2:30. I’ve asked the president to send you all a text alert at 2:18 to remind you to come back.”
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Life is more exciting when you’re two
On Connecticut Ave. in Woodley Park, around rush hour:
Several fire trucks and police cars go by with sirens on. A few seconds later:
Two- year old in stroller: “More sirens! Mama, more sirens!”
Harried mother: “I know you like them, honey, but I don’t control them so I can’t turn them on.”
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Don’t let the White House know about this idea
At the Target on Richmond Hwy, Wednesday afternoon:
Two women are walking the aisles. One says: “Buy it and claim it as inspiration on your taxes.”
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More goals
Friday on U Street around happy hour time:
Two early to mid 20s ladies are walking and talking.
Woman 1: “Yeah, his place is great. It’s a one bedroom and he owns it. He doesn’t have roommates.”
Woman 2: “Oh my god, what?!”
Woman 1: “Right? Like, what is his life? Jackpot.”
Woman 2: “Is that what being 38 is? Because that rocks.”
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Gotta try this
In Chinatown on a weekend afternoon:
A group of twenty-somethings are walking and talking.
Woman: “That’s one way to get out of jury duty! Pee your pants!”
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Donnie Downer
At the Politics and Prose Bookstore at The Wharf:
Two twenty-somethings are looking at geography books.
Woman: “Do you like maps?”
Man: “I’m really into maps.”
Woman: “Me too! I think it’s weird people can be really into maps. It’s just so random.”
Man: “I think it’s a hangover from imperialism.”
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The wisdom of babes
At Kalorama Park:
Two 5-year-old boys are chasing a third toddler boy. A 7-year-old observes.
Five-year-old and friend: “Attack! Attack!”
Seven-year-old, wistfully: “There are times of peace, and times of attack. I have a younger sibling, I would know…”
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Helpful advice
Tuesday evening during rush hour at 17th and I Streets at Farragut Square:
A crossing guard in a neon vest is directing traffic with a whistle, preventing cars from blocking the box and people from jaywalking. A small crowd of people has built up on the sidewalk, waiting.
When it’s the pedestrians turn to walk, the guard shouts:
“Walk! Walk! Walk! And stay in the crosswalk! That way if you get hit, you get paid.”
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Learn something new every day
A guy is walking down the sidewalk in Columbia Heights with friends:
Guy: “Orzo’s not a rice!”
Friends: “It’s not?”
Guy: “No! It’s a pasta, you dummy!”
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As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.
