The Whole Foods on H Street.

Photo by Ted Eytan / Flickr

Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and you can check out the archives here.

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Whatever else it may be, Whole Foods is a bougie grocery store (and possibly also a harbinger of gentrification). When you shop there, maybe prepare for its food to reflect that?

Overheard of the Week:

The dairy aisle of the new Whole Foods on Thanksgiving Day 
Late-20s/early 30s guy to his friend: “I don’t want that bougie, gentrified whipped cream! Where’s the Reddi-Wip?”

——

If you have to ask… 

Two 20-somethings sitting at the Capitol Lounge bar are having a seemingly in-depth conversation 

Guy 1: “Would you consider me a reporter or a blogger?”

Guy 2: (no hesitation) “Blogger.”

Guy 1 looks disappointed

——

 Should have gotten a leash

Lunchtime in front of Ford’s Theatre. A seven-year-old boy is running around his group of adults who appear to be examining a map

Kid: “Mom! Mom! I can run so fast!”

Mom: “Stop running! If you disappear here we will NEVER find you.”

Kid abruptly sits down on the brick sidewalk.

——

What a way to be known 

A couple is walking out of Kramerbooks

Man: “What’s her name? It’s not Michelle Williams, it’s the *sad* blonde actress.”
Woman, immediately: “Oh! Carey Mulligan!”
Man: “Yes!”
——
Nope, but thanks for that

Two friends are walking together on U Street around 1:30 a.m.

Guy looks at his friend: “But seriously, you’ve never thought about there being alligators in the Metro?”

——

Aren’t they all?

At the Rhode Island Avenue Home Depot, a middle-aged woman is airing her contractor woes to a store associate

Woman: “Sure, he’s a nice man … a nice, deceptive man.”

——

A conspiracy theory I can get behind

At a rival indoor cycling studio

“I heard that SoulCycle started the California wildfires.”

——

Millennial lessons 

An early 30s bro is talking to his well-coiffed parents as they cross the chain-link fence parking lot toward Politics and Prose

Bro: “You need to learn. If you can do Uber, you can do Venmo, Dad. It’s actually probably even easier.”

——

Isn’t Halloween over?

Middle-aged man on the phone in Kalorama at 6:30 p.m. on a Monday night

Man: “I am not going as Shelley Duvall. I draw the line there.”

——

Bougie spice? 

At American University’s Washington College of Law, a group of night students of varying ages chat

Older student: “She was Posh Spice.  Nowadays she’d be Bougie Spice.  Bougie is the modern term.”

Younger student: “What’s bougie?”

Older student: “Like bourgeoise.”

Student 3: “That’s classist.”

Younger student: “Ooh, I know that word!”

——

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas 

Home Depot in Silver Spring

Wife: “We need to get Santa out of the garage.”

Husband: “Yeah, he’s really messed up.”

——

The truth hurts 

A group of families is at the National Zoo on Sunday afternoon
 
Stroller-pushing Dad 1: “You can’t say ‘I’m a chef’ if you use Blue Apron!”
Stroller-pushing Dad 2 nods and looks down in a defeated manner
——
Good instincts 
At the Museum of the Bible, near an exhibit case about monarchy.
Little girl, about 6: “King George is the worst!”

——

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.

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