Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
The shutdown is here again.
Overheard of the Week:
In the hallway of Dirksen Senate Office Building the morning of 12/20, under the looming threat of a shutdown (that would eventually come to pass):
Two twenty-something male Hill staffers greet each other.
Dude 1: “Hey man, how’s it going?”
Dude 2: “Oh you know, constant disappointment.”
Dude 1: “Darkness and sadness the world throughout? Yeah, same here.”
——
The future is here
Wednesday morning on a crosstown bus:
Two middle-aged women are talking about Christmas shopping and gift giving.
Woman 1 explains how her father called last night, requesting she make some last-minute purchases. She tells her friend she’s annoyed, but adds that he might get an Amazon Alexa from someone else for the holidays, which would be nice since he could talk to it instead.
Woman 1: “But I don’t know if I want my dad to be friends with a robot!”
Woman 2: “Mhmmm.”
——
Uh, thanks dad?
At Sullivan’s Toy Shop on Wisconsin in the morning:
A father and five year old son are looking at different toy sets.
Son: “But why did they make it that way?”
Dad: “Because it’s a big consortium of companies all together trying to take over your mind. It’s something that you’ll have to deal with the rest of your life.”
——
A Trumpsmas miracle?
9:50 p.m. Tuesday night at the Miracle on 7th Street pop-up bar:
After spending 45 minutes waiting in line to get in, a 20-something brunette surveys the scene as people jockey for space inside the crowded bar.
Then she turns to her 40-something friend: “I know it’s ironic for me to say this, but are any of these people going to work tomorrow?”
——
Yes, very weird
In the Pentagon parking lot:
Mid-Late 20s woman on cell phone, speaking very loudly: “I know right… It’s like I have a sixth sense. Almost a ‘Jackie Sense.’ Which is so weird because my name IS Jackie.”
——
Tough life
Outside the Le Pain Quotidien on P Street:
A mid-20s woman in a wildly inappropriate outfit for winter to a mid-20s guy swaddled in an oversized scarf: “She would know my real birthday, but she’s been in Bali for like 2 weeks.”
——
D.C. has something for everyone
At the Hirshhorn Sculpture Garden:
Two male tourists are just starting their day.
Tourist 1: “Let’s get us some culture!”
Tourist 2 walks towards a kangaroo statue.
Tourist 2: “Ooo a kangaroo!”
——
The best kind of burn is one they don’t understand
On 15th Street in front of Old Ebbitt Grill:
Four college age bros are chatting on the street as a middle-aged shoe shine guy is shining a shoe in front of the restaurant.
Shoeshine guy: “Hey look, it’s the Backstreet Boys.”
College bros look at each other completely perplexed.
——
Slang moves fast
At 13th and U:
Three people in their late 20s are walking towards the the U Street Metro escalators at about 4 p.m. on Saturday.
Woman, shocked: “…and they were like, ‘no one says “boujee” anymore. It’s not a thing.’” Guy 1 and Guy 2 look unmoved.
Woman, expecting a reaction: “So I told them, it has to be a thing, it’s from sociology!”
Guy 1 and Guy 2 still unmoved.
Woman, flabbergasted: “I’m still relevant I swear!”
——
Adorable party animals
Outside of a liquor store on P Street in Dupont:
A woman is with two little girls, holding each of their hands, apparently waiting for someone making a purchase inside.
Woman to little girl 1: “Yes, when you’re a big girl, I will buy you your first beer.”
Little girl 2: “Me too, me too!”
Woman to little girl 2: “Yes, you too.”
——
Hand on chin emoji
On the D2 bus near Glover Park:
A woman in her mid-20s is talking to her friend talking about their disapproval of a friend’s boyfriend: “I mean, I get that she’s with him because she loves him, but sometimes love is not why you should be with someone.”
——
As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.
