Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
V-Day came and went, and as usual, it’s weird. Do you go out somewhere expensive with your sweetie, avoid people altogether, go to a bar and drown your sorrows, or what? The reactions are different for everyone.
Overheard of the Week:
At the Walgreens in Union Station on Valentines Day:
Three teenage girls who are clearly visiting D.C. with their class are in the long line.
Girl 1: “Aww, man it’s Valentine’s Day, I should have bought him a card.”
Girl 2: “What are we, like, 30?”
——
Awww
At about noon outside the Bank of America in Adams Morgan:
Two little girls are standing at an ATM, one about four and the other maybe two years old.
The older girl leans in, addressing herself to the slot where the money comes out: “This is my little sister! She’s just a little baaaby.”
——
This could mean a lot of things
At Foggy Bottom Metro during the rush hour:
A tall, bearded gentleman in his mid-30s hops on at Foggy Bottom and yells into his earbud speaker: “I know what she’s doing! She’s fucking Donald Trumping me!”
——
An interesting theory
On Connecticut Avenue:
A mid 20s male is conducting a D.C. bar survey on another late 20s male. The survey is currently asking about which factors are most important in choosing which bar to go out to.
Guy 1: “How important are previous experiences?”
Guy 2: “At that bar, or in life?”
Guy 1: “At that bar. Why would it be life experiences?”
Guy 2: “Alice in Wonderland was a terrible movie. Wouldn’t go to Madhatter.”
——
Yep, pretty much
At the Kennedy Center for a ballet performance:
A 20-something woman is talking with a 20-something guy.
Man: “…sounds like that’s just an excuse for day drinking.”
Woman: “That’s what brunch in D.C. is!”
——
Harsh but fair
On the Green Line:
Man sitting with his friend, slurring his words: “Hey, 7000-series train, how does it feel to be outdated?”
——
Same here!
On the Yellow Line toward D.C.:
Two college-age women get on the train on and sit next to each other. They’re talking about classes.
Woman 1: “Yeah, I don’t like that numbery math.”
——
Definitely more affordable
On the 14th Street bus:
Man 1: “You gonna be put in a casket underground soon.”
Man 2: “Nah, man. I’m not going underground.”
Man 1: “Your turn is gonna come. Everyone has to die. You going underground.”
Man 2: “Nah, man. I already told my son. I’m gonna be laid in a river.”
Man 1: “No, you not. You gonna be put underground.”
Man 2: “My son already knows the funeral arrangements. I’m gonna be put in a river. I’m just gonna keep floating’ on. What’s wrong with just floatin’ on?”
——
Deep thoughts about apartments
At Sunday brunch at Lyon Hall:
Two late 20s or early 30s women are sitting with a man of the same age.
Woman 1 to the others: “I just can’t have that much space in an apartment, I need a smaller area.”
(Later in the conversation.)
Woman 1: “Sometimes I just sit there in the bathtub of my modestly-sized apartment, close my eyes, and pretend I’m in a soaking tub overlooking the ocean, and it’s like I’m there.”
——
What meetings do to your brain
At an office building near the Convention Center:
Two women and one man in their 30s are exiting a meeting.
Woman 1: “You know what it is, bridge under water.”
Woman 2: (whispering) “Water under the bridge.”
Woman 1: “Oh, yeah, water under the bridge.” (shakes head)
——
Extreme parenting
Two men in their 30s are talking at the Capitol Lounge:
Man 1: “How are your kids so open with you?”
Man 2: “Oh, we managed to curb any sneakiness years ago by telling them that secrets were what killed Mufasa.”
——
Kids these days
At Rite Aid in Alexandria at 6 p.m. on Super Bowl Sunday:
Four teenage boys from Episcopal High School are buying random teen boy stuff. They are discussing their test on Aromatherapy in health class then next day.
Boy: “Lavender is good. Pine is not.”
——
Dinner and a show
On 9th Street in Chinatown on a Friday evening:
30-something man to friends: “You guys want to pop in and see Ivanka vacuuming before dinner?”
——
Get yourself to Scandinavia
Connecticut Ave NW, just north of Dupont Circle on Sunday morning:
Woman 1 to friend: “I don’t know. My throat needs hot tea but my heart needs wine.”
As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.
