Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
Baltimore is known for a lot of things: John Waters, The Wire, football, funny accents, and a current political scandal. Maybe there’s something else we’re missing …
Overheard of the Week
At a bar on 18th Street
Guy 1, kinda drunk: “We should go to Baltimore.”
Guy 2, more drunk: “Yeah. Let’s go … fire pistols at crabs.”
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Beware
At AwesomeCon
Kid: “Oh look, the furries are coming.”
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They are both brown
On the boardwalk along the Anacostia River outside Nats Park
Two young women, mid-twenties, are drawn to a small crowd admiring a beaver swimming in the river below.
Woman no. 1: “Is that a live animal or a stick?”
Woman no. 2: “That is not a stick!”
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Some people just have to be a contrarian
Near the Eastern Market Metro station
20-something guy to another: “I don’t mind spoilers. I like them. In fact, I prefer them. Because half the time watching a show is spent trying to figure out what is going on, what is the reasoning for it happening, predicting what will happen next, and so on so forth. When you already know the spoilers, you don’t have to wonder about those things since you already know what is going to happen, and can just watch the show.”
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Touché
Early evening in Glover Park
Mom to her 6- or 7-year-old daughter: “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
Daughter: “Then why do you always tell me to be like Jesus?”
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Puppy shoes, never worn
2 young women in their early 20s walking near the Convention Center
Woman 1: “Yeah, so my dog can’t walk on the stone road anymore without hurting her little paws!”
Woman 2: “Oh no! That’s so sad!!“
Woman 1: “Oh definitely! Luckily, my mom’s looking at buying her some little puppy shoes on eBay or Amazon.”
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Got to love British humor
Near the Foggy Bottom Metro
Two British tourists are trying to take Capital Bikeshare after it rained. One bike had a dry seat the other was wet.
Man to woman: “I take the wet one, as I already have a Foggy Bottom.”
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The indignity
On an overcrowded, delayed morning Red Line train
“I had a t-shirt made that says ‘I only ride 7000 series trains,’ and here I am … on a 3000 series train.”
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Childhood is more intense than it used to be
At a restaurant during Saturday brunch, a middle-aged dad and his preteen son are talking
Dad: “You know how people get married and divorced and married and divorced?”
Son: “Yeah, I’m living in it.”
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Location checks out
At the Georgetown French Market, a group of Georgetown University students are walking
Girl: “I need to up my brooch game.”
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Oof
At a bar near Nationals Stadium, two guys are standing with three women at the bar
Guy 1: “I’m from Pittsburgh.”
Woman 1: “Where’s Pittsburgh? Is it near Mexico?”
Woman 2: “No, it’s by Chicago, right?”
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Pretty accurate
At Ireland’s Four Courts in Court House, two middle-aged guys are sitting together
One of them is talking into his phone on speaker phone and says loudly: “We’re in Arlington looking at all of the pretty but very serious people.”
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Duuude
Outside the Stadium/Armory Metro after the National Cannabis Festival:
Woman speaking very slowly, to herself or possibly a Bluetooth headset: “Oh, my … I do not think I could take another hit ….”
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Political commentary or city insult?
On 15th Street near the White House:
Teenage boy among a family of tourists walks past a row of construction site port-a-potties: “There’s the New York smell.”
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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.
