Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and you can check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

Never trust non-sweaty people in spandex.

Overheard of the Week

At the pro shop at the East Potomac Golf Course last Friday:

Two late 20s guys are talking.

Guy 1: “I want people to think I bike to work but don’t want to show up sweaty, so I put on biking clothes every morning and then take an Uber to a block away.”

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Ok, that’s cute

Near Dupont Circle:

A Midwestern tourist is speaking to another tourist and explaining where a building is.

“It’s near the Foggy Bottom-Gee Woo Metro stop.”

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Kids, they know

On the Potomac Water Taxi between Alexandria and The Wharf:

8-ish year old boy to his mother:  “Do you know, mom, that you’re always somewhere?  Like, when you’re at the river, you’re somewhere. When you’re in the forest, you’re somewhere.  Like, you could be on MARS and you would STILL be somewhere.
Nearby woman to her husband: “Oh my god, did you hear that? That was SO deep.”

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A looming shortage we don’t know about? 

On the Metro: 

A 20-something woman is talking on the phone: “Do you want to meet at Outback or IHOP? We’d better meet at IHOP. I don’t know when I’m going to have pancakes in the near future.”

——

No need to mention that they’re vegetarian 

At the National Zoo’s oryx exhibit: 

Mom to kid: “If you climb up on that railing one more time, I’m just going to throw you the rest of the way and let them eat you.”

——

This guy 

Georgetown, Friday afternoon, in the line at the Roaming Rooster food truck:

Two mid-20s guys are chatting about the weekend.

Guy 1: “What are you doing tonight?”
Guy 2: “Sunday’s my birthday, so tomorrow I’m probably gonna go out with my boys and get really trashy. So I’m probably gonna lay low tonight.”

——

Honestly, it might have worked

Sunday afternoon outside the White House:

A 30-something woman is talking to friend.

“I tweeted at Trump to let me in to use the bathroom, but he hasn’t responded.”

——

So it goes

One the Silver Line, going from Tysons to D.C. 

A group in their early 20s is headed to a party:

Guy: “So are we drinking Claws tonight or what?”
Girl: “Well technically they’re Trulys, but you know how it goes at Georgetown.”

——

And on the seventh day, he nearly killed them   

New Hampshire Avenue by the S Street dog park

A man and woman, late 30s, are crossing the street with the light,  A car brazenly turns and cuts ahead of them in the crosswalk.

The man yells: “What the f*** are you doing? It’s the lord’s day!”

——

A wholesome conspiracy theory? 

In front of the National Museum of American History:

Two teenage tourists are talking.

Teen 1: “Isn’t the Smithsonian around here?”
Teen 2: “It’s everywhere.”

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