Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

Nothing says cool like dressing for Halloween like your favorite local weather column!

Overheard of the Week

Two 40-somethings are talking over a beer in Kensington, Md. on Thursday evening

Man: “I’ve got this stupid costume contest at work for Halloween and don’t know what to do about it.”
Woman: “What about your idea of getting a monogrammed satin jacket and going as a member of the Capital Weather gang?”
Man: “Are you kidding? My co-workers are NOT cool—they’ll never get the reference.”

——

This kid really gets the spirit of October

A dad and his toddler are walking on the National Mall around 9 a.m.

Dad: “Look at the moon way up there in the sky.”
Daughter: “Is that a Halloween decoration, Daddy?”

——

It can only improve from there

In front of Old Ebbitt Grill, two young men, seemingly brothers, exit a vehicle

Young man: “Well, nothing was worse than the time I wore Crocs to mom’s funeral …”

——

When you’ve watched a lot of Sex and the City

Two friends in their early 20s colorfully lamenting the D.C. dating scene

Friend 1: “How is your dating life going?”
Friend 2: “Let’s just say my ‘type’ is now officially ‘under construction’”

——

Communication is all about mutual understanding

In 14th Street Trader Joes on a Wednesday night a man and woman in their 20s are wearing date night clothes, not carrying any groceries. 

Woman: “We need some of those green leaves they put on pizza”
Man: “Do you mean basil?”
Woman: “Yaaaaaas!”

——

This was honestly the set up for one of my favorite jokes in middle school

At the Ballston Metro during evening rush hour, a 20-something guy and gal are walking up a stopped escalator while exiting the station

Gal: “Ugh, these are so much harder to walk up.”
Guy: “I know! I really wish they would put in more stairs.”

——

Then I am a Chow Chow

Two friends are talking about work during the first game of the World Series

Woman 1: “But I mean, you are totally a border collie. You’ll go crazy without a job to do.”
Woman 2: with a sigh: “I know. I am a total border collie.”

——

A deeply tragic situation

Four undergrads are walking in Foggy Bottom

Student 1: “My AirPods weren’t working so I had to listen with my f*cking Beats by Dre.”
Students 2-4: *Nodding in concern*

——

Honestly, you’re going to have to say a little more

In Glover Park, a 20-something guy is talking on his cellphone

Guy: “So the tapeworm starts eating stuff in your gut. Then you poop out the eggs. Yeah, you can see where this is going.”

——

Is someone getting their medical advice from Dr. Oz?

Sunday morning brunch at Chef Geoffs’ in Tenleytown, a group of young families are sitting together and one of the kids, who can’t be much older than 1, is coloring, and tries to eat a crayon

Dad to crayon-eating kid: “Don’t eat that. If you eat that, you’ll get Zika.”

——

A very successful bartering market

Two 30-something women are talking while leaving the Harris Teeter near Adams Morgan

Woman: “I really want to drink the champagne tonight that Chris gifted me for the adderall.”

——

Nothing beats group bonding

A group of dude bros are talking at the Capitals/Rangers game last Friday

Dude bro 1: “I miss playing [hockey].”
Dude bro 2: “We should do it! Let’s get some ice and get the guys out!
Dude bro 1: “OK!”
Dude bro 2:: “But only if we get to beat the shit out of each other.”
Dude bro 1: “Yeah, that sounds great.”