Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

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There’s multi-tasking, and then there’s whatever next level this woman has achieved.

Overheard of the Week

In the stalls of a women’s restroom at the Kennedy Center during a Friday matinee performance: 

“Hi, I’d like to cancel my flight to West Palm Beach….No, I don’t have the confirmation number. I am not in front of my computer.”

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If you want to faint? 

A woman in her early twenties is talking to a group of friends while walking out of The Prospect during Restaurant Week:

“You need to drink your green smoothie every morning and eat nothing else for the rest of the day.”

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That’s a choice she made

At The Coupe on Friday night:

Young woman to a group of friends: “Last year for Halloween, I was a slutty Jane Goodall.”

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Not wrong

Family of four eating breakfast at the Ballston IHOP on Saturday morning. A 6-year-old boy has french fries and pancakes on his plates:

Boy: “These pancakes here are truly amazing (20 seconds later)… amazing… truly…”
Dad: “What?”
Boy: “Pancakes … amazing… they’re so buttery and soft.”

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Lucky

A man and woman in their late 20s are in line at Bullfrog Bagels on Saturday morning and arguing about who has better metabolism:

Woman: “It’s like I’m doing a micro workout just by existing.”

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Really walked right into that one

In a corporate classroom, fifteen attendees of various ages:

Late-20s woman: “Whatever….”
Much older woman: “‘Whatever’? That’s so 1980s.”
Late-20s woman: “Okay, boomer”

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A self-aware self-own

In a TJ Maxx in Friendship Heights. Two women in their 20s are shopping for shoes. One tries on a pair of Sperrys:

Woman 1: “I love these shoes. They go with my parents’ new bay house.”
Other girl looks at her and walks away.
Woman 1: “Yes that may be the most richbitch thing I’ve ever said.”

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Ask and you shall receive

At Stoney’s on Sunday afternoon between two 20-something men:

Man 1: “Which Kennedy brother’s Senate seat did Elizabeth Warren take? Edward or Ted?”
Man 2: “Scott.”
Man 1: “I had no idea there was a Scott Kennedy.”
Man 2: “There wasn’t. She took Scott Brown’s seat. Also, Edward and Ted are the same person.”
Man 1: “Glad you haven’t let the Masshole wear off after a few years away.”

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A step up from Cape Fear

An elder millennial talking to a younger millennial in the office:

Elder millennial, clearly amused by this fact: “Did you know there is a place in Washington state called Cape Disappointment?”
Deadpan younger millennial: “I live there.”

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You tell him!

At the matinee show of My Fair Lady at the Kennedy Center. Immediately after the curtain call, one middle school girl looks over at middle school boy after he said something: 

“The whole show was about feminism, bro!”

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If that’s what it takes … 

Two late 40s or early 50s ladies in the bathroom at a local Italian restaurant.

Woman 1: “My parents just got back from a cruise and were raving about the awesome dance club on the ship.  The band was playing Earth Wind and Fire, Keith Sweat, like all the good R&B from our generation.”
Woman 2: “How do your parents know those groups? Aren’t they in their 70s or 80s?”
Woman 1: “My dad is 82 and still dances like he’s in his 20s at the club.”
Woman 2: “Must be all the drugs they took when they were our age.”

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Too real  

Middle-aged man just shy of yelling into a cellphone across the street from the Eisenhower Executive Office Building:

“So now you’re on the record. You’re on the record saying you didn’t do shit, that you had no intention of doing shit, and any actual shit that was done is a fucking coincidence!”

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As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.