Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

At the Lincoln Memorial, a father and a five-year-old walk by:  

Dad: “Do you know where this is?”
Five-year-old: “Yes, it’s where you asked Mommy to marry you.”

—

She might not be wrong…

A 5-year old girl looking down the C&O Canal on the bridge on Jefferson Street:

Girl: “I know what this is!”
Father: “What is it?”
Girl: “Sewage!”

—

They’re basically the same

Three mid-late 20-somethings discussing pandemic revelations: 

“What I realize is that if I can love a dog this much, then I think I could love a baby and now I think I want one.”

—

If you give a guy a film class

Two 20-something, toilet-paper carrying roommates entering a building together in Cathedral Heights:

Roommate 1: “Yeah I was in the common room like uhh….”
Roommate 2: “Well then I’m sorry you weren’t sophisticated enough to catch the subtleties of…”
Roommate 1 and 2 in unison: “Chicken Little!”

—

Adverse side effects  

Overheard near 9th and F streets: 

Guy 1: “For some reason no matter how tired I am I still can’t go to sleep before midnight. And I take this melatonin thing too, to like, naturally help me sleep.”
Guy 2: What’s that like a sleeping pill?
Guy 1: “Nah it’s natural. It’s a supplement. A vitamin you take.”
Guy 2: “Oh. My friend used to take sleeping pills, but one night he peed in his dresser drawer. So he stopped.”

—

Oct. 6, 2017: Who asked you!

In Georgetown after seeing a massive rat:

Old lady: “They call those city rabbits.”
Passerby: “Okay honey.”

—

Aug. 3, 2018: Anti-gluten free

College-aged girl with her friends at GCDC‘s “gluten free night”: 

Girl: “Can I have this sandwich with the regular bread instead of gluten free?”
Waiter: “Um no, we only have gluten free bread.”
Girl: “Well then can you like add back the gluten?”

—

Oct. 4, 2019: This man must get so much spit in his drinks

A middle-aged man talking to a 20-something woman he just met at the bar: 

Man: “So what do you do?”
Woman: “I’m a bartender.”
Man: “Barmaid.”
Woman: “Bartender.”
Man: “I’m old fashioned, I still say stewardess… lady doctors.”