From the National Christmas tree lighting to “A Christmas Carol” at Ford’s Theatre, many of Washingtonians’ favorite holiday traditions have been transformed into virtual experiences or cancelled outright this year. The Grinch of the disease world, COVID-19, strikes again.

But you know what? Who needs adorable, dancing sugar plum fairies or platters of steaming latkes passed among relatives? Who cares about communal joy or shared experiences? Bah humbug!

To remind you of what you’re not missing this holiday season, we’ve pulled together another round of Grinchy, grouchy Yelp comments about D.C. landmarks — this time with a winter holiday theme. All of these pretend postcards feature real quotes from bad Yelp reviews. (Check out our first round of postcards here.)

To be abundantly clear — these reviews are from years past. We at DCist and WAMU treasure these local holiday landmarks and the people who work at them, and we’ll be among the first in line when they reopen fully post-pandemic.

The National Menorah

Festival of Lights — more like Festival of BLIGHTS amiright?

Washington Harbour Ice Rink

If there aren’t strictly enforced rules and multiple forms of taxpayer-funded infrastructure, we don’t care for it.

Kennedy Center

“The Nutcracker” is two hours of propaganda paid for by Big Sugar Plum.

Zoolights

Zoolights: In it for the snacks and literally nothing else.

Mormon Temple

Some say the Kensington landmark looks like the Disney castle, but we simply cannot manage that level of positivity right now.

Washington National Cathedral

Soaring holiday hymns? Pass the ear plugs. Historic architecture? Would rather watch HGTV. Winter sunlight streaming through stained glass? Can’t close my eyes tight enough.

ICE! at the Gaylord Hotel National Harbor

Would much rather be at home arguing with my spouse about whether Peacock Premium is worth it than in this winter wonderland surrounded by happy children.

The National Christmas Tree

Sadly, the pandemic didn’t stop that poor, imaginary intern from decorating the tree this year. It’s all lit up and ghastly as ever.

Sixth & I Synagogue

IF I CANNOT KNIT THEN WHAT AM I HERE FOR? Hanukkah is ruined.