Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week:

You call them your friends?

8-year-old daughter appears in her mom’s Zoom square during a virtual Arlington Community Learning French class:

Daughter: “Mommy, who are these people?”
Mom: “Uh, these are my friends, sweetie.”

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Depressing but relatable

Me to myself, because I haven’t been out with friends lately:

“Now that Trump is gone, the most dangerous thing in D.C. is the shop across the street selling Levain frozen cookie dough.

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October 18, 2019: D.C. squirrel being a D.C. squirrel

Two coworkers in their late 30s talking loudly to each other while walking into work.

Coworker 1: “He took it right out of the bag?”
Coworker 2: “Yeah! I’m being bullied by a Navy Yard squirrel!

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August 9, 2019: Right on target 

Two employees are talking at the Columbia Heights Target:

Employee 1: “Well you’re full of energy today!”
Employee 2: “I came in with a roof over my head, money in my pocket, and a smile on my face. I’m not gonna let Target bring me down today!

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Oct 12, 2018: He’s gotta learn somehow

Going apple picking at Stribling Orchard in Virginia:

Mom: “We can’t leave until we find your dad.”
Teenage daughter: “We got out of the car and he went the opposite direction from the rest of us. Let’s just leave. He can fend for himself.”