Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

A 30-something woman in Navy Yard is talking on the phone just after the Friday morning vaccine registration window for people with preexisting conditions closed:

“I was able to score Hamilton tickets for my mom but I can’t get a fucking vaccine.”

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For the sake of everyone involved I sincerely hope not

A man is arguing with his girlfriend over the phone outside the Dupont Circle CVS: 

“Was my mom there when we first met each other? Was my mom there when we first made love? Was my mom there when you first gave me head?”

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It’s important to be intentional 

A group of four 20-something women are talking at Union Market: 

One woman: “I’m just looking for someone to die with.”

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Close

A middle-aged man is on the sofa, not paying attention, after hearing a Today report on the shooting of Lady Gaga’s dog walker:

“They shot Lady Gaga’s gun walker?”

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Teen angst lives on in all of us 

Two women walking down Mass Ave. talking about books they had to read in high school: 

Woman 1: “Fuck Ethan Frome.”
Woman 2: “Yeah. Fuck Ethan Frome.”

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Don’t quit your day job 

Two women are exercising on the steps of the National Gallery of Art: 

Woman 1: We found out that my grandma’s been lying in an unmarked grave for 10 years.
Woman 2: Then it’s about time your grandpa died!

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Ahem, it’s a “Jew-ish” deli

A group of 10-year-old are walking past the Georgetown Call Your Mother: 

Kid: “Why is there a Jewish deli here? It’s surrounded by Catholic churches!”

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Jul 2, 2015: Been there

Two adults in their mid-forties are standing on the corner of 14th and Park Road NW:

Woman to the man: “It didn’t have anything to do with my work ethic, I just didn’t feel like going to work.”

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April 29, 2016: Awww

A girl, about 5 years old, shows her mother something she wrote in her journal on the Red Line towards Shady Grove:

The page reads: “Please do not lean on the doors.”

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Aug. 19, 2016: The things we learn at D.C. monuments

A bro in his late 20s and a girl are walking into the FDR Memorial from the south:

Bro: “That’s when I figured out you can stick 64 marbles in your butt.”

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