Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant — good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

A woman at a D.C. park is calling out to two kids on the playground: 

“Reagan, say goodbye to Lincoln!”

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Not after they have sex, no

Two women are sitting on a park bench at the Takoma playground, talking about the cicadas:

“What I don’t understand is why are there so many dead cicadas on the ground? Don’t they have to, like, live?”

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*Nervous laughter*

A late 20-something couple is walking down K St .in Mount Vernon Triangle after leaving a very long line at A Baked Joint: 

Woman: “Do not piss me off! I have watched enough crime TV I could take you out and nobody would know!”
Man: “This is why I have security cameras in my condo.”
Woman: “Think power outage.”

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Just wait til they add the boat

A woman is walking with her husband and looking down at the Georgetown Canal:

Woman: “Oh, they put water in here! How nice is that?”

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What’s going on here?

Three D.C. police officers are rolling a grey trash bucket across D St. in Southeast, in front of Folger Park. One officer is rolling the large bin, holding a street sign across the top to keep something inside:

One officer: “How do we report this?”
The third officer yells (from a considerable distance): “We’ll just say the animal was apprehended and the squirrel was released on its own recognizance.”

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I ask again, what’s going on here?

A group of six people are sitting on blankets in Lincoln Park at 8:30 p.m., all making whooshing sounds:

One of them, loudly: “Come on, guys! We practiced this!”

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THAT bad?

Two women having coffee at the Takoma streatery are discussing new software at a federal agency.

Woman: “It’s Apple Maps bad.”

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Self-care is a must

A young 40s woman to her young 40s partner, in a Mt. Pleasant/Columbia Heights apartment on Harvard Street:

“Ok we’ll meditate, and then we’ll learn how to twerk.”

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Don’t txt 

A man stops running to answer a phone call on 3rd St. NE: 

“I’m trying to get ready for my hot girl summer, what do you want?”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.