Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week:

A group of 20-30 something friends are hanging out at a Dupont Circle bar on a Friday night.

“She’s cried wolf so many times, but this time it turned out to be a mummified squirrel in a pillow.”

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So neighborly

A Black man is riding uphill in Columbia Heights, making way for a white woman and her dog. 

Black man: [going off to the side] “Oh, excuse me.”
White woman [unnecessarily frantically grabs dog and mumbles]: “Can you please ride on the street?”
Black man: “Can you please not gentrify the neighborhood?”

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How altruistic

A middle aged couple is walking their dog at 16th and S Streets NW.

“I know they have the best of intentions, but honestly I want what’s best for the dog, not the humans.”

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Fauci probably wouldn’t approve

A maskless 20-something man, wearing a parody Gucci shirt that says “Fauci,” is waiting in line for the bathroom at Wonderland Ballroom.

To the woman next to him in line, who is wearing a mask: “Do you have an extra mask?”

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Send this man thoughts and prayers

Two men in their 30s are talking on benches at Georgetown Waterfront early Saturday evening.

Man: “I keep waiting for the ‘I missed my period’ talk.”

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I mean, at least he’s being safe?

A man and a woman are walking out of Mintwood Place in Adams Morgan.

Man: “I really like it up here, I used to go to MedStar Health all the time to get COVID tests.”

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A win for the vegans

Two early-30s co-workers are talking after one brought vegan donuts from Donut Run into work.

Co-worker 1: “So what makes these vegan? Is it the vegan sugar? No animals were used in the sugar?”
Co-worker 2: “I don’t even know what vegan is. I just heard they were good donuts so I bought them.”

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Self-awareness is an important trait

A man is talking on his phone as he leaves the Acela at Union station. 

“There’s two Manhattans. The one I live in and the one for people who struggle.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.