Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week

On the Red Line on a Friday afternoon, two people in their 20s are sitting on the train:

Guy: “Is it petty of me to hook up with the guy who lives eight houses down from my parents during the holidays to fulfill a Taylor Swift lyric?”

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Siri, play Wizards in Winter

A 30-something couple finished running on the Mall:

Guy: “You really sped off and left me back there for a while”.
Girl: “I had to. Trans-Siberian Orchestra was hitting hard on my Spotify.”

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One-track mind

In the National Portrait Gallery courtyard:

“So…*long pause* how’s your sex life?”

Later, same person: “Who’s the sexiest American president?”

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Hell yeah we do

Two 20-something guys checking out at the Harris Teeter in NoMa:

“We live in a world of BTS and Doja Cat.”

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Stop the ride, please

A young woman is flanked by her (literally) supportive friends while skating at the Washington Harbor ice rink:

Woman: “I hate it. I want to get off.”

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Teaching them young

​​A 30-something mother walking by the west front of the Capitol on Thanksgiving weekend with her family:

To her two school-age children about Congress: “They do a lot of talking, but they don’t do a lot of work.”

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And now, your Tourist Overheard of the Week

A family of tourists is looking toward the Lincoln Memorial: 

Teenage girl: “Is that the Rocky steps?”

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I think the story about the sea parting is pretty cool, but okay

A couple is eating breakfast in a College Park bagel shop with their approximately 8 year-old son:

Boy (in a very loud voice): “The Bible is boring!”

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2022’s new milk trend is …

At the Columbia Heights Target on Saturday:

Man to his shopping companion: “It’s not milk for a cat, it’s milk from a cat.”

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Impossibly romantic

Mom and dad with their young kids on the Orange Line:

Dad: “We’re taking you to where mommy and daddy used to go on dates.”
Son: “Where is it?”
Dad: “It’s called Farragut West.”

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Don’t let Biden overhear

Overheard outside a Meridian Hill apartment at 1:50 a.m. on Friday night:

Guy screaming into his phone: “If we fuck up, we are fucked! We’re goddamn GS12s!”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.