Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

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Overheard of the week

In reference to the cherry blossoms on the west side of the monument:

Woman: “I guess I just thought that they would be pinker.”

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Nice try

At dinner in Adams Morgan:

Dad to 5 year-old: “Do you just say ‘oh yeah’ to everything I say?”
5 year-old: “Oh yeah”
Dad: “The moon is made of metal”
5 year-old: “Oh yeah”
Dad: “Give me $5”
5 year-old: “NO!!”

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Ouch

At a gym in Tysons:

Personal trainer working out his client: “Would you like some water?”
Client (visibly exhausted and frustrated after a tough set): “No — what I would like is a new shoulder. And two new hips.”

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Hate when that happens

Three middle-aged women walking in Adams Morgan in the middle of the day.

Woman #2: “Ugh, she got a tapeworm??”

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Not anymore, at least!

Two twenty-somethings riding scooters as fast as they go along the reflecting pool toward the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday morning: 

Man with a thick Southern accent to his female partner: “This ain’t no NASCAR, I tell you what.”

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It begins

Overheard outside of the 14th Street CVS in Columbia Heights:

A girl who can’t be more than 12 to a friend: “No I know he LOVES me. That boy would take a bullet for me, did you not see what he texted me this morning?”

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Close

In front of Capital One Arena

Man: “Something around here smells like dessert”
Woman: “Oh that’s a black and mild”

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Good to have a goal

In SW D.C., middle-aged lady walking her small dog and talking to the dog (presumably):

“I want poop.”

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Babbling Brooke

Two people exiting Compass Coffee in Georgetown:

One very excitedly says to the other: “She literally IS the sound of a surrounding spring.”

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Work smarter, not harder

At the Tidal Basin during peak bloom:

Early-20s woman to group of friends: “I should’ve brought a blazer so I could’ve taken a new LinkedIn photo.”

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What is the deal with Adams Morgan this week?

Four women in their mid-30s walk down the main strip of Adams Morgan on Sunday afternoon (presumably after an alcohol-fueled brunch):

Woman #1, very enthusiastically: “I am a constant peeing machine! My bladder is crazy!”

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The beginning of a coming-of-age novel

On the sidewalk leading up to the Washington Monument. Three high school aged boys were running full speed toward the monument.  As they ran past:

One of the three: “Are we going to get in trouble?”
Second boy, with zero hesitation: “YES!”

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