Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the week

At the National Archives while viewing the Constitution next to a middle school tour group:

Boy #1: “That’s definitely typed.”
Boy #2: “No, I think it’s handwritten. I don’t think they had…”
Boy #1: “They had typewriters. That is clearly typed. It’s too perfect.”
Boy #2: “I don’t think they did [have typewriters]. I think they had to write it.”
Boy #1: “No. I know Times New Roman when I see it.”

–

Not a big mack

At a McDonalds in Gaithersburg, 10:30 a.m. 

One of a group of 50-something-ish women: “My son is a virgin!”

–

Swabbing stories

On Duke’s Grocery patio:

One twenty-something professional woman to another: “And he had generic Q-Tips. Like, is the dollar you save worth the risk of an ER visit because the flimsy tip came off in your ear?”

–

‘I’ve got to be going…’

At the intersection of Euclid St. and Ontario Rd. NW:

Road maintenance crewman: “And she had a baby alligator sitting in the pool. And she pointed to it and said, ‘I’m training it right now.’ And he said: ‘You can’t train no alligator!’ Like, damn son!”

–

Please stand clear

At Metrobar:

A woman leaving the bar pointing at the train car [that’s part of the bar] and telling staff: “I need to get down to the train. They told me this is where it picks up, right down there.”

–

We know what they’re watching tonight

At Clothes Encounters DC on Seventh St. SE. A man and a woman are shopping; the man is joking about waiting a long time while she browses:

Man: “And a single tear rolls down my cheek.”
Woman: “You know what that’s from?”
Man: “What?”
Woman: “’Waterworld.’”
Man: “You think that came from ‘Waterworld’?!”
Woman: “You’re really not going to believe me? You don’t understand how many times I’ve seen [that movie].”

–

Seems legit

At Tiki TNT:

Middle-aged bro talking to his friend about his mixed drink: “It’s basically Vitamin C.”

–

We feel you, kid. Enough winter. 

In Old Town Alexandria. A father struggles to put a hat and coat on his son, who’s about 5:

Son: “Why do I have to wear this?”
Father: “Because if you get sick your mother will kick my butt.”

–

It’s 10 a.m. at the cherry blossoms. Do you know where your child is?

At the Tidal Basin:

A father is talking to his two young kids while letting them out of a stroller.

Dad:”It’s really important that you guys stay near me and listen to what I say. There’s a lot of people here, and if you get too far away from me, you’ll get lost. If that happens, go tell someone right away and hopefully we find each other soon.”
Older kid: “Are there kids lost here right now?”
Dad: “I’m sure there are two or three kids that get lost here everyday. Don’t become a statistic.”

–

Apple chips, maybe

At the Harris Teeter in Navy Yard. A couple is in the chip aisle:

Person #1: “Should we get chips, something crunchy?
Person #2: “We probably should. The doctor says we’re not eating enough chips.”

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