Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

—

Overheard of the Week:

VIDA U Street men’s locker room, two young men reuniting:

Man 1: “Hey! How’ve you been?”
Man 2: “I really missed being here! I mean … [looks around wistfully] … the BUTTS!”

—

Been there

Runner turning the final corner of the Cherry Blossom Ten Miler and realizing the last half mile was uphill:

“Fuck.”

—

Maybe read the signs next time?

Two forty-something women chit-chatting away with each other about their kids as they stroll through the WWI Memorial, pause on their way out to say:

“I don’t really know much about World War I to be honest.”

—

Drunk words are sober thoughts, or something like that

Four late twenties bros trudging along Columbia Road in Adams Morgan about 5 p.m. on Sunday, clearly day drunk, but not saying anything.

The guy in the back blurts out: “I feel like I’m the least admirable person I know.”

—

What would Jeff think?

Guy showing some friends around the Amazon Whole Foods with new cashier-less payment in Glover Park:

Guy 1: “Wait, so there’s no self checkout or anything?”
Guy 2: “Nah man, this is shoplift central.”

—

Goals

At a nail salon in Adams Morgan. 8 or 9-year-old girl to woman as they’re waiting for their nails to dry:

“I’m gonna be a real material girl with these nails.”

—

Something we can all agree on, we hope

Mid-20s woman talking to an early-30s man crossing Columbia Road at 18th Street:

“Hot dogs are not a vegetable, I don’t care what your politics are.”

—

We’re with the kid on this one

Walking through Dupont on a Sunday evening:

Crying 3-year-old: “I don’t want to say hi.”
Mom to kid: “You don’t have to say hi to anyone.”
Kid: *keeps sobbing*
Mom to twenty-somethings on the corner: “Don’t have kids, guys.”

—

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context