Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Near Twinbrook Metro Station on Sunday afternoon, a 20-something woman is enthusiastically debriefing her friend about a night out:

“Well she was no Liam Neeson, I’ll tell you that!”

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New DCist merch idea…

Three 30-something’s are at Ambar having bottomless drinks: 

“You can Google me, I have a blog.”

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Getting cut off in a Starbucks is a new low

At the Starbucks across from The National Zoo on a Tuesday at 11:30am, a man in his 30s is looking at the menu:

He asks the cashier “Oh, you guys don’t serve alcohol?”

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Ok so define “real time”

A guy is on the phone with a friend in downtown Silver Spring:

Guy: “You’re playing Grand Theft Auto? Shit, I only play that in real time.”

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It’s the little things

Twenty-something couple at 9th and F, deciding on dinner:

Man: Oh, look, Subway! You like Subway!
Woman: No, Shake Shaaack. I’ll pay for myself if we go to Shake Shack.

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Why do I sense he’s talking about his mom

On Tuesday evening, a Volo recreational kickball team is walking together downtown.

One team member (a guy) to another: “We’re best friends, we talk on the phone all the time, she tells me I’m stupid…”

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Fighting to keep my eyes open

Three men in their 20 enter D’vines on 14th St:

Guy 1:” Can we just get Claws?”
Guy 2: “I don’t see any Claws.”
Guy 1: “Where are the Claws?”
Guy 3: “How about Miller Lite?”
Guy 2: “[incredulous look] “No one will drink that. Let’s get this Topo Chico.”
Guy 1: “Is that like White Claw?”
Guy 2: “Yeah it’s pretty close.”

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Kim Kardashian: Met Gala them, White House who

Overheard while waiting in line to get into the White House Correspondents Dinner, watching all the black SUVs drop VIPs off: 

Group of 30-somethings: “Did you guys see Kim and Pete yet?”
50-something man: “I don’t know who Kim and Pete are.”

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We know who’s getting the bill, then

A gaggle of mid-20s people are walking in Dupont Circle and heading for Cinco de Mayo drink specials: 

Self-important leader: “Well … they’ll start you at 120k as senior manager. I mean it’s not great, it’s not much, but….”

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Self-awareness for self-awareness’ sake

Two 30-something women at Politics and Prose near the Waterfront. The first woman is buying the book How to Avoid Amazon and Why You Should:

Woman 2: “That’s really good advice. Amazon is an evil company. I never buy books from them.”
Woman 1: “What about other stuff?”
Woman 2: “Well, yes, sometimes, but I always feel guilty about it.”

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I don’t think that’s how it works

Two millennials strolling through Adams Morgan on a perfect sunny afternoon:

“You know, if we weren’t so lazy, DC would be a walkable city…”

_

Obviously, dad 

A dad is on a morning walk in Capitol Hill with a three or four-year-old daughter, wearing a floral princess dress.

Dad: “When you drop it is twirls around like a helicopter.”
Daughter: “….or like a princess?”
Dad:  “Yes, like a princess.”

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Bicyclist considers … running

Two middle aged guys in biker shorts are riding bicycles near 14th and Gallatin Street in Northwest: 

Red helmet: “Baltimore is a small town.”
Blue helmet: “Right.”
Red helmet: “You only need 60,00 votes to win.”

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