Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. We’re also adding in some greatest hits from the Overheard archives.

Overheard of the Week: 

Two 20-something congressional staffers, walking down C Street on a sunny afternoon:

Staffer 1: “I am on the hot mess express freight train recently”
Staffer 2, cheerfully: “You’re the conductor, actually”

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Do you teach classes? Asking for a friend

Two middle-aged men sharing a beer before the Nats game. 

“Parking cameras have made me a parking genius.”

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Send photos please

Overheard in Dolcezza City Center one Saturday night in April, three middle-aged women:

“Do you wanna buy a third wedding dress? To cover the baby bump?”

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Talk about the Gilded Age

Two women shopping in the Columbia Heights Target:

Woman one: “Why is Target so fuckin’ expensive? Get it together!”
Woman two: “It’s Tarjay.”

—

If a tree takes a ride in a Toyota Corolla …

Two teenagers talking at a National Cathedral festival over the weekend. One girl asks another if she wants to peruse more vendor stalls: 

Girl 2: “Well my father JUST bought a bonsai and asked me to drive it home so, no, I’m all good.”

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Not missing out anymore!

Two women at a protest for abortion rights:

Boomer: What does FOMO stand for?
Millennial: Fear of missing out.
Boomer: Oh! Recently, it’s been all over my feed.

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That feeling never goes away, kids

A dad is walking along the Soapstone Valley trail with three kids under 10. A duck flies by along the creek, about eye-level with the kids. 

Dad: “Look there’s that duck again!”
Oldest child, sounding rather put out about the oversight: “No one told me ducks could fly!”
Youngest child, sounding like he feels distinctly overlooked: “No one told me ducks could fly either…”

_

Nov. 8, 2019: Or are you just three kids stacked on top of each other?

A bunch of people are on the Metro, including a man in a tan trench coat standing near the door and two young boys (about 7-8 years old) seated nearby

Older Boy, to the Man in the Trench Coat: “Hey mister, my brother wants to know if you’re a detective.”

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Sept. 21, 2018: Maybe Metro isn’t so bad

After a Nats game at Navy Yard Metro:

Presumably out of towner Cubs fan to Metro employee: “You guys are the best. These stations are like cathedrals.”

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May 26, 2017: That took a turn

Two friends, women in their mid to late 30s, having dinner Sunday evening on the patio at Lavagna:

“I have enough Scrabble games on my phone to not have to go on social media when I poop. I’m not proud of who I am…”