Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

Two men walking down the street in Northeast:

“So I was in the waiting room for my monkeypox vax and the room was filled with cute looking guys, okrrrrrr. I kid you not when I say that we were ALL working each other. ”

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X2, easily 

On the 63 bus heading downtown, two mustachioed gentlemen in conversation: 

“If you could, like, personify the bus lines, who would win in a fight to the death?”

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Spoken AT LE DIPLOMATE

Mother and daughter, sitting at Le Diplomate on Saturday evening:

Daughter: “Dating in D.C. is so difficult, Mom. This town is just full of so many young men suffering from a combination of a boring personality and affluenza. It makes me sick sometimes.”
Mother: “Is affluenza a new variant? I had not heard about that one yet.”

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Me texting my friends after one hit

At the Arlington County Fair, a man to says to a woman while pushing a stroller and entering the fairgrounds:

“I ain’t gettin’ vaccinated. Why are you mad at me? Stupid fair don’t even have a sheep show.”

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Also me texting my friends after one hit

 A couple in their 50s are pressing their way through the crowd on a Friday night at The Wharf:

Man to woman: “We need to take back the word ‘ass.'”

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This Is Your Brain On Andrew Tate

A man in his mid-30s talking on his cell near the Columbia Heights Metro: 

“Don’t forget, I’m on the pro-chauvinist side. I’m on the boys side, I know how frustrating women can be. I got three sisters…”

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She got it right the first time

A loud lawyer shouting to her soft-spoken companion in The Art of Banksy exhibit, after reading the quote: “People either love me or they hate me, or they don’t care.” 

“I feel like this quote is about me! I mean I don’t have *enemies,* but there is a certain kind of east-coast introvert that just can’t handle me. I’m just too irrelevant…I mean irreverent.”

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That’s what YOU think

In front of a Georgetown bookstore with the door open, a middle-aged man is walking a small dog. The dog tries to go into the bookstore multiple times, blocking people from entering in the process:

Man to dog: “Come on, you can’t go in there. You can’t read!”

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Something something, quiet part out loud?

A tourist pointing to the AFL-CIO building:

“That’s the CIA! Oh look, that’s the CIA!”

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No such thing as a stupid question

In front of the Washington Monument, a family of American tourists are looking towards the Capitol: 

High-school-age daughter: “So, stupid question, but why is the Capitol building so important anyway?”

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You got this! <3

Overheard on 17th Street in Dupont Circle: 

Man 1: “Girl, we are running out of time. Are we gonna walk or take an Uber?”
Man 2 (talking into his iPhone): “Siri, how long does it take to walk one block?”

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Future Model U.N. kid

While visiting the WWI memorial in Pershing Park, a 12-ish-year-old looking boy, after excitedly running around the memorial: 

To his buddy in a very French accent: “World War I is like my second favorite World War.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.