Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Group of women, age 20-ish, are at the Georgetown Waterfront: 

Woman 1: “What is that building over there?”
Woman 2: “No idea.”
Woman 3: “It looks like a Scientology building or something.”
Woman 4: “Yeah, it does!!!”
Stranger: “It’s the Kennedy Center.”
Woman 1: “Oh, oops.”
Woman 2: “That’s kinda embarrassing especially since we live here.”

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It really is the end of the Wife Guy 

A man and a woman talking at Moreland’s Tavern: 

Man: “I’m going to do what you do: Get a giant house and have two women living in the bedrooms. But they better be working, because they’re paying the mortgage. My mistresses can pay the mortgage.”

—

I refuse to believe this is real

Two late-30s or early-40s guys are parting ways after playing basketball at Kalorama Park:

Guy 1: “Do you have a cell phone yet?”
Guy 2: “No.”
Guy 1: “Why not, dude? Get one!”
Guy 2: “Because then I’d have to answer it!”

—

Introducing: the No Bullshit Safeway

Overheard at the Piney Branch Safeway: 

Woman to cashier: “I won’t be caught up in this generation’s bullshit!! They just wanna eat lamb, steak, and tomatoes. That’s why I shop here, where there’s no shit like that shit.”

—

The Political Newsletter Writing Class when they enter a dimly-lit bar on a drab street wearing Brooks Brothers 

On the Metro shuttle from Pentagon City, after the closure of the Yellow Line tunnel:

Driver announces Smithsonian Station…
Driver announces L’Enfant Plaza Station…
Woman’s voice from the back of the bus: “Is this D.C.? Is this D.C.? I have a question. Is this D.C.?”

—

I know what you’re thinking! Get your head out of the gutter!

On a bike path between Braddock Road Metro and King St in Alexandria, a young woman is walking and playing with her dog, which looks like a young border collie or similar breed. The dog has foot-long stick in its mouth:

Woman to dog: “You got your stick? It’s so big! You got your big boy stick?”

—

Who is going to tell them

Two teenagers wearing matching school uniforms are walking through the terminal at Reagan:

Teen 1: “Why is this airport so nice, though!?”
Teen 2: (excitedly) “Because Trump lives here!”

—

*Eyes rolling into skull*

Walking in Courthouse around lunchtime on a Friday, a bro on his cell:

“So I’m gonna have to sue them for those costs, too.”

—

Kirsten Gillibrand? 

Overheard at Kramer’s: 

Woman (to friend): “Amy Klobuchar? Is that the New York lady?”

—

Blame not the man, but the IBS!

At L’Enfant Plaza, three UMD students board a northbound Green Line train shortly after midnight. They are arguing:

Student 1 to Student 3 (loudly): “OK, not fair! That time I literally had diarrhea but I forgot about it.”
Student 2: “Yeah, it’s not his fault! It was just one time!”

—

Good for her!

Group of girls on their way to school in Woodley Park: 

One girl to her friends: “I need to spread kindness today!!!”

—

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.