Ditch the skeleton costume and opt for something local this year.

deckerme / Flickr

It’s that time of year again. Invites for Halloween-related events that you don’t really want to go to but will end up attending anyway are rolling in, and you haven’t the slightest clue what to wear. We’ve compiled our annual “last-minute” list of locally-minded costume ideas a little early, because it’s never too early to start planning.

Here’s our 2022 roundup:

FOX 5’s Sierra Fox confronting Mayor Bowser

A timely couples’ costume that will let everyone know you  pay attention to what’s going on in D.C. follow Washingtonian Problems on Instagram. All you need are two blazers and a phone. For a Sierra costume, simply walk around in your blazer, holding a phone horizontally. For Mayor Bowser, add a brooch to the lapel of your jacket, and flatly respond “No, actually, I probably won’t” to any questions you’re asked throughout the evening, even if they’re not about your deputy mayor allegedly assaulting someone in a Gold’s Gym parking lot.

Justin Timberlake “dancing” at Something In The Water

Timberlake apologized to D.C. for his khakis and the botched Beat Ya Feet dance he attempted at Pharrell’s Something In the Water festival. Brad Barket / AP Photo

At the risk of re-traumatizing innocent party guests, Justin Timberlake Dancing At SITW is a low-cost, last-minute costume option for the procrastinators among us. Pull on that pair of Kohls’ khakis from 2018 and an oddly cropped button-down short-sleeve, buttoned up to the neck. If people mistake you for a dad at costco, an IT specialist, Mr. Schuster from Glee, or a Tommy Bahama outlet store manager, you’re doing great. Ask whoever is on aux to play “Sexy Back,” and proceed to bring sexy absolutely nowhere by moving your feet in a series of stomps and hops, while making a face that looks like you’re about to sneeze. Apologize to everyone in the room after and blame it on the khakis.

The nearly drowned squirrel at Merriweather

https://twitter.com/ammamariee/status/1534704419677388801?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1534704419677388801%7Ctwgr%5Eec780a46088c392a206b3c40b7d1301c1fc8ab59%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdcist.com%2Fstory%2F22%2F06%2F09%2Fhalsey-merriweather-pavilion-flooded-nightmare%2F

In this costume, it is perfectly acceptable — if not preferred — to go out in public with wet hair. Chuck gained viral fame this summer, when video from a nightmarish Halsey concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion showed a crew member punting the sopping wet squirrel off stage, back into flood waters. Dress in all brown, and repeatedly wet your hair throughout the night. When people ask what you are, yell “I’M A SQUIRREL” to avoid getting kicked.

A confusing parking sign 

“So I can park here from last year to today and tomorrow until …” Colleen Grablick / DCist/WAMU

Find whatever green, red, or white clothing you have and layer the articles on your body in a way that makes literally zero sense, prompting other party-goers to look at you with that “what the hell?” look in their eyes. Whenever someone asks you a question, like “would you like a drink?” answer “yes, but no, but yes, well maybe?” before slapping a pink sticky note on them and asking for $50.

Montgomery County’s Planning Board

The five members of the Montgomery County Planning Board all resigned Wednesday, Oct. 12. From left to right: Partap Verna; Tina Patterson; Chair Casey Anderson; Gerald Cichy; and Carol Rubin.

Gather a group of friends and don some ill-fitting business attire to show up as Montgomery County’s now-defunct planning board. While it’s completely up to you which pal goes as which member of the chaotic squad, DCist/WAMU suggests electing the friend most likely to refer to themselves earnestly as a “mixologist” to dress up as Casey (Had To Do It To Em’) Anderson. (The former chair of the planning board, Anderson kept a fully stocked bar in his office with more than 30 bottles of liquor.) In the spirit of the group’s dramatic en-masse resignation earlier this month, your group should promptly and without warning or explanation exit the party — but only after your Anderson-proxy  has served up The Gavel.

Union Station’s snowy owl 

Duchess the Snowy Owl looks over Union Station. angela n. / Flickr

Duchess the snowy owl, an elusive and rare visitor, captured D.C.’s attention in January this year as she hauntingly watched over Union Station and the National Mall, looking for pigeons and rats to prey on. This costume idea is perfect for the introverts whose attendance at a Halloween event may come as a surprise to other guests. Get your hands on a pair of wings, or simply hover about the perimeter of a party looking mysterious.

That very loud EDM fest at RFK 

A ceiling of warm air sitting above D.C. on Sunday helped project pulsating techno music from a festival outside RFK Stadium to neighborhoods many miles away. Ralph Thompson / Flickr

It was the Project Glow Fest heard around the D.C. region. Thanks to a somewhat random atmospheric phenomenon, a combination of warm air and cool ground carried the thumping bass of an EDM festival at RFK stadium all the way out into Maryland this spring. Wear whatever neon you have and annoy everyone by going “oontz oontz oontz” all night. To make it a couple’s costume, bring along a complaining neighbor.

Corpse flower 

The corpse flower at the U.S. Botanic Garden. Devin Dotson / U.S. Botanic Garden

If you need an excuse to leave your Halloween festivities early, look no further than the corpse flower. An endangered plant native to the tropical rainforests of Indonesia, the rare and oldest plant at the Botanic Garden bloomed in July, bringing its signature putrid smell along with it. Due to its unpredictable blooming schedule (it only happens when the plant accumulates a sufficient amount of energy, which can take a few years to a decade) and its short lifespan (it only lasts for about 24-36 hours) it’s a pretty big deal when the flower graces residents with its presence. If you, too, require a lot of stored-up energy to socialize and prefer to leave after a short amount of time, wrap yourself in a green sheet, stuff some pink tissue paper into your waistband, and call it a day. For added effect, skip bathing in the 2-3 days preceding your party.

The NEW Metro map

Metro’s new map adds new Silver Line stations and stations with new names. WMATA / WMATA

It’s a new twist on an old favorite. Outdo that person dressing up as a 7000-series train (that’s soooo 2021!) by channeling what’s left of your hope for Metro improvements with a Silver Line-themed costume. Metro’s new map, unveiled in September, includes six new stations on the extended Silver Line, opening at some point this fall. Wear something grey, or add some silver foil around your torso and glue six black dots up from your stomach to your chest.

The happy bald eagle couple

LOTUS and Mr. President take turns watching over the nest, where a newly laid egg sits at the National Arboretum. Screenshot / American Eagle Foundation Eagle Cam

Looking for a costume to hard launch your new lover? Mr. President and LOTUS were the couple of the year at the National Arboretum. The duo made headlines in February when LOTUS laid an egg, marking the first new eaglet to be born at the Arboretum since 2018. (This one also works for families welcoming a new baby.) Convince your LOTUS, or your Mr. President, to wear a yellow beak and white beanie and spend the evening rustling feathers. If someone brings up your ex, make like the First Lady (Mr. President’s former nestmate of seven years) and simply fly away.

Want ideas from years past?
DCist’s 2021 Guide To Last-Minute D.C. Halloween Costume Ideas 
DCist’s 2020 Guide To Last-Minute D.C. Halloween Costume Ideas
The 2019 DCist Guide To Last-Minute D.C. Halloween Costume Ideas
The Best D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes of 2018
The 2017 Guide To D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes
The 2016 DCist Guide to Last Minute, D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes
The 2014 Guide to D.C.-Centric Halloween Costumes
The 2013 DCist Guide to Washington-Centric Halloween Costumes

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