Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

A man and a woman are walking together on 19th Street in Dupont Circle:

Woman (defensively): “My cat is very soft!”
Man (soothingly): “I understand.”
Woman: “When he’s clean, he’s very soft!”
Man: “I understand.”
Woman: “AND, he’s POTTY TRAINED!”
Man: “I understand.”

—

His actual invention (Virginia) was much less cool 

Overheard on school tour:

“Who was George Mason?”
“He invented peanut butter!”

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Huge if true

Five 30-something women having an early dinner at Sequoia in Georgetown

One, angrily to another: “You have 4 children, and you have never once taken a sick day. Are you telling me that not one of those mofos has gotten sick in four years?!”

—

Don’t know whether to cheer or sigh deeply

At Tysons mall, two women shopping for dresses:

#1: “Ohh, this one kinda looks like chainmail.”
#2: “Yeah, it really says ‘do not touch me.’”
#1: “Well, that’s the look I’m going for.”

—

Submarine captains are always like that 

A young man and young woman walking through Columbia Heights 

Woman: “I just think he lays it on too thick.”
Man: “I know! Like, we get it, you were a submarine captain!”

—

Well that’s a crazy coincidence 

A man in his 30s is eating a snack with his wife, kid, and dog outside the cafe at the National Cathedral on Saturday afternoon.

“I’m a brownie man, I think.”
(Tries his kid’s brownie)
“Oh yeah, that’s good.”
“I tell you, Santa wants brownies.”

—

What kind of “plants” though?

A group of early-20s med students are sitting in Ceremony Coffee Roasters in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor in late afternoon, trying to pick a bar for happy hour.

Guy 1: “Wait, are we looking for cocktails or plants???”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.