Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week

A guy in his early-mid 30s in sort of a disheveled state talking on his cell, crossing New Hampshire Ave NW:

“Man, I think what I learned at this point is that I shouldn’t always do what feels like the right thing to do.”

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Dynamic duo ^ these two

One man at the bar over brunch at Hank’s Oyster Bar, screaming to his companions:

“‘Hey Arnold’ was the moral compass shit!”

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A tale as old as time 

Two women talking at a coffee shop in Foggy Bottom by the State Department: 

“It’s not a good look when a guy says ‘she’s crazy.’ I mean, I’m crazy, but he made me that way.”

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Tear drops falling on my keyboard rn as I type this

The flight attendant upon landing on a flight from Austin to Dulles: 

“And most importantly, if no one has told you they loved you today, Marc with a C does. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

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Hmmm, interesting concept

Overheard at Bristle hair salon on Columbia Road, a woman with long hair is getting a very short chop: 

To her stylist: “And no, nothing traumatic happened! Just for fun.”

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Lucky for Mayor Bowser, Potomac Phil is already dead

Two young female staffers in an elevator in the Hart Senate Office Building:

First staffer: “The groundhog died because Bill deBlasio DROPPED HIM.”
Second staffer, with horror: “NOOOOOOO”

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Not a day over 65!

At the entrance to a Whole Foods wine section in D.C., an older woman is rummaging in her handbag after being asked by the security guard for her ID before entering:

Woman: “Will my Medicare card do?” (pause, pause…)
Guard erupts with laughter: “No one’s ever offered that before!”
(Woman also laughs, but produces the card, which is accepted as proof of age)

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False advertising 

Overheard today in Georgetown, at Wisconsin and P Streets. A woman with two young children, maybe around 5 years old:

Child 1: “Why do they call it Sunday school if they don’t even make sundaes?”

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As a society, we need to give kids more credit

At the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, in the moon landing exhibit, a little kid is talking to his dad:

Kid: “If there are solar panels, are there also lunar panels?”
Dad: “I don’t know, maybe!”

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Whatever works 

At a Burns Night celebration, shortly after the haggis has been paraded around, a middle aged man with a ponytail walks out of the bathroom, and looking at the first table of guests he sees upon exit, he says:

“I love getting older. TUMS.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.