So we saw that Politico article and had some… thoughts. Newsflash: A lot of us are here to make friends AND have a job. Why not both? So we’ve compiled a list of some actually useful etiquette tips.

1. Stand to the right on the Metro escalator (if you’re able)!

If you’re walking on the Metro escalator, you walk on the left. And if you’re just there for the scenery – stand on the right side of the escalator. Y’all this isn’t just etiquette; this is also a safety thing. When folks are trying to catch the train, people get frazzled if they can’t move quickly down to the Metro platform. A lot of us rely on public transit, and you never know where somebody needs to go or how urgently they need to get there. In the great, censored words of Ludacris: “Move (friend), get out the way!”

Note: (Bear in mind that some people may need to hang onto the railing on the lefthand side, so always be kind and assume the best. If you’re in a rush, politely asking to get past is the way to go.)

2. It’s time to retire, “I would never cross the river for [insert person, thing, activity].”

The beauty of the D.C. area is we’ve got so much to offer in Maryland and Virginia too! From restaurants like Jiwa Singapura in Tysons Corner, VA, or Mark’s Kitchen in Takoma Park, MD (before the owner retires at the end of this month!). You can expand your horizons and impress your friends and potential partners with your expanded culinary palette across the river. You can also enjoy fun events like shows at the Wolf Trap or get away to do some stargazing in the countryside of Maryland and Virginia.

3. D.C. isn’t just a place for fancy restaurants or business dinners.

Le Diplomate, Fiola, Off the Record and Blue Duck Tavern are hot tickets in the city for a reason. And although delicious and perfect to impress an employer or date, you can impress with your knowledge of delicious casual spots too. Ghostburger is a fun spot with a co-sign from our President, and Spicy Water African Grill is a newer spot on U Street to grab some Ivorian grilled chicken.

4. When meeting someone new, avoid asking “What do you do for work?” right out the gate.

It’s a D.C. habit I know is hard to break, but we need to get a little more creative when meeting new people. Even though what we do is important to us (I’m very guilty of this, of course I want to tell folks I write etiquette guides and horoscopes for you all, that’s a flex). But there’s so much more to us than work! Try asking what someone likes to do for fun in the area or the best dish they’ve had recently, or my personal favorite, the best place to cry (just kidding on that last one). But if you do ask what they do for work, it should be for interest, not judgment. We’re all hustling out here!

5. Limiting dogs in public spaces.

This is a controversial one, I know, and with the pandemic, we have afforded some leniency and grace. But not every bar, store, or restaurant needs to be for our furry friends. They can stay home for a few hours or with a friend/pet sitter. And as things warm up, it may be time to whip out the picnic basket or look specifically for pet-friendly outdoor seating; there are options! We love our pets to the moon and back, but boundaries are important too.

6. Trying to impress a first date? Try a fun walking tour and dinner off U Street rather than The Wharf with its prerequisite ‘waterfront tax.’

Sure, you can drop a bag when you’re going out, but there are so many ways to ball on a budget in D.C. Our free museums are globally famous! And as it warms up for spring, a lot of museums are having special after-hours events to party in some historical halls…at night. There are a lot of low-cost ways to enjoy more expensive things in the area. For example, Kennedy Center performances can be discounted if you’re under 30, are a student, in the military, or are a senior. You know what’s more baller than paying for expensive things? Enjoying expensive things at a discount.

7. Are you a 6’2″ person standing directly in front of a 5′ human at the 9:30 Club? Maybe let them stand in front of you.

Whether you’re at the Anthem, Black Cat, or even on the floor at Capital One Arena this is just a common concert courtesy. Tall folks, we love you, but we’d love you even more if you let shorter people see. It’s a great way to make new friends too! Tall people and short people can form an alliance stronger than any other, and turn up at a show. It’s a win-win.

8. Double parking is a big no-no.

Parking is already a struggle as it is. And parallel parking is so indescribably difficult…I won’t describe it. But there are only so many places to park in the city, especially on weekends double parking can be very disrespectful. Take your time, make sure there’s space for others to not only park, but so they can get out of the spot too. Your car bumper will thank you later.

9. If you start a sentence with “We should go to this cool place I saw DC TikToker post…” let me stop you right there.

Sure, there are some cool kids on TikTok. But over here at DCist.com, we’re the coolest. Real ones are taking recommendations from us. From events guides, theater previews, first looks at restaurants, and hard-hitting, up-to-date news that keeps you informed and in the know, we have it all right here. 

10. Getting ahead doesn’t define D.C.

It’s not a bad thing to value the work that you do or put your best foot forward, but what makes D.C.-area folks amazing isn’t that we know the right formula to get ahead. It’s our passion. Passion in our work, passion in our city, and passion for fun! A random list of rules at the end of the day is a random list of rules; just treat people with kindness. That’s the D.C. way.

This story has been updated with more inclusive language regarding Metro escalator etiquette.