Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week:

Two young people (presumably students) are walking across Georgetown’s campus on a weekday afternoon.

Woman: “I don’t want to cry in the club, I just want to cry at home.”

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And what was Jesus if not a really preachy life coach

Handsome man in his early 30s, dresses to the nines on his cell phone on the Capitol grounds:

“What is happening … you need a life coach or to find Jesus … you heard what I am saying.”

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Challenge accepted

Two bros, sauntering along L Street NW one morning: 

“You don’t want to race against me in a corn maze.”

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So do we all just have this etched into the walls of our brains or

A mom and her 7-8 year old son are riding their bikes together through Adams Morgan:

Mom, enthusiastically: “But the REAL powerhouse is the mitochondria.”

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There’s always that ONE guy bringing foie gras to bingo

Overheard at the American Legion bingo on Capitol Hill. One 20-something-year-old handing out a stack of pull tabs to the table of 20-somethings:

“You brought foie gras to bingo. You can slum it with some pull tabs.”

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Well you thought wrong! (it’s a commonwealth) 

A gaggle of high school students in matching lanyards are walking past the National Archives, talking loudly among themselves and blocking the entire sidewalk. 

From within the group: “Pennsylvania’s a street? I thought it was a state!”

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What is Ed Sheeran plotting…

20-something man leaving brunch on U Street, clearly a little inebriated on the phone with his mother:

Man: “Mom, this is going to sound weird, but ever since the Alex Murdaugh verdict, I have been seeing a suspicious amount of redheads, I think something bigger is going on.”
*Listens into the phone in silence*
Man: “No, it’s not because of Saint Patrick’s Day!”

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Seinfeld if it starred millennials

 At A Baked Joint, on a very busy Sunday:

Woman with an empty soup bowl: “I’m sorry if it was triggering for you to see me put my bread directly into my soup like that.”
Friend at her table: “That’s very considerate.”
Soup woman: “I know some people are very upset by wet bread. But I love soup. It’s one of my four core personality traits.”

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Wow, harsh

A father and his little son are at Slow Nickel laundromat in Northeast D.C. The kid is looking longingly at the candy in the vending machine:

The father says: “Sugar is poison and you’ve had enough for the day.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.