Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

A late 20s-30s couple walking in Shaw: 

Man: The only way I would ever leave you is if you were suddenly like, “I love rats!”

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That’s certainly not how it works 

A group of four guys at Commissary. One is visiting D.C. for a long weekend. They’re talking about their plans for the next few days. 

One of them: “D.C. isn’t a state, so I don’t think you can get arrested here.”

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?????

Overheard in Bethesda. Two adults, walking down a hallway on their way out of work. 

Person 1: “Which is closer, Johns Hopkins or University of Maryland?”
Person 2: “Johns Hopkins! It’s just over in Baltimore, and University of Maryland is all the way in Maryland.”
Person 1: “Ah okay, I had no idea.”

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Case closed bring in the dancing lobsters 

Overheard in a D.C. courtroom:

Lawyer: (Not pleased with the ruling just given) “I’m sorry, but can we request that a judge rule on this?”
*Awkward silence throughout courtroom*
Judge: “…….Counsel, I AM the judge”

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Yes it’s right next to the Don’t Be That Guy exhibit!

Entering the Smithsonian Natural History Museum on Saturday, the last weekend of spring break. Children dart and scream everywhere. A man making a beeline for the exit commiserates with the woman next to him:

“Do they have a how to watch your fucking kids exhibit?”

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Celebrating the small victories

Two 60-ish, rich, Annapolis yachter-looking guys talking at an upscale bar in Penn Quarter:

“I’m really doing the thing, I haven’t had brown liquor in over a week now.”

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There are worse traits to have 

Man to woman as they walked out of the AdMo parking garage midday:

“I’m not gonna lie, I love you, but you’re a terrible city driver.”

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What is a movie if not a 90-minute vibe 

At Union Station, a 20-something guy taking a photo of a 20-something girl wearing a felt cape:

Guy: “This is like so a vibe. This is going to be like straight out of a movie.”
Girl: “Oh that’s awesome!”

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So what, we’re supposed to like, “think reasonably”?? 

Person in their 30s on the phone in Woodley Park:

“Hmmmm, okay. See this is why we don’t generally want to have knee jerk reactions.”

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Those are hallowed grounds 

Three young guys (highschool, maybe college-age) are standing together not far from the Woodley Park Metro:

“Yeah, the food in this area looks kinda weak.”
*The group proceeds to enter McDonald’s*

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They came here for ONE thing and…

Overseen at Union Market, on a piece of paper that read “WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER TODAY?” across the top: 

In a child’s handwriting: “I discover that it is called union market not onion market.”

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Define livable

Outside at Call Your Mother in Capitol Hill, three late 20-somethings having a catch up brunch:

“Yeah, I’ll be making six figures within 10 years. I mean, it’s a livable wage.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.