Just when our depression about the non-story debacle of the highly disappointing D.C. Madam saga was reaching its peak, along comes 55-year-old Patricia Helen Meehan of Stafford, Va. to save us from our misery. NBC4 says that Meehan, who claims to be a dominatrix, was recently arrested in Maryland and returned to Stafford County to face a list of charges so fantastic we can hardly contain ourselves.

Authorities said she was indicted in September 2001 on charges of prostitution, crimes against nature, manufacturing marijuana and keeping a bawdy house.

Police said she had been living in Maryland and had assumed the name Patricia Noonan.

Crimes against nature? Keeping a bawdy house!? The DCist legal team is busy tracking down the definitions of these charges, so in the meantime, we could always engage in some grossly negligent speculation about any prominent local figures who might possibly be clients of Meehan. Certainly there’s a long list of Washington heavyweights who deserve a good spanking — but do you think any of them might have been willing to pay for one?