Tourist’s rendering of the National Mall. (Photo by philliefan99)
Sometimes picking an “Overheard of the Week” is difficult. It might be because there are too many choices, making the selection a nerve-wracking process. Or sometimes it just happens to be a rather dull week in eavesdropping. And then there are moments like the following. The kicker on the following conversation is one of those utterances that is so cringe-worthy, so forehead-slap inducing, so wrenchingly stupid, that if we put our heads through all the desks in D.C., our headdesk reaction would still not be satisfied.
Overheard of the Week:
A mother in her mid-30s, her young daughter, and a local resident are waiting at the 5A bus stop at Dulles International Airport:
Mom: “Excuse me, does this bus go to the National Mall?”
Local: “No, but it goes to Rosslyn and L’Enfant Plaza, and you can get on the metro at either of those locations to go to the National Mall.”
Mom: “Great! I’m excited to take my daughter there right now!”
Local: “But it’s raining.”
Mom: “You mean it’s not an indoor shopping mall?”
Local: “No. It’s an outdoor national park.”
Mom: “What? I’ve always wanted to shop at the National Mall!”
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Too much truth in advertising
On line at the Chop’t in Union Station
Customer: “That guy just chopped the hell out of my salad. Why would anyone want a chopped salad like this?”
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Skip the interior cleaning
In the waiting room at Jiffy Lube in Alexandria
Two women are waiting for their car, which is getting an oil change.
Woman 1: “Maybe you should have mentioned to them that your mama’s ashes are in the car.”
Woman 2 (toward the garage): “Hey! Don’t vacuum the back seat!”
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Hire this person, Alpert!
Tuesday evening near the Vietnam Veterans Memorial
A teacher is leading a group of students through Maya Lin’s sculpture.
Teacher: “Walking places is an urban thing.”
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Thrill of the steeplechase
At Washington Sports Club
A woman in her mid-20s is working out with a personal trainer.
Woman: “I’ve been to the Gold Cup five years in a row and haven’t seen a single horse.”
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Um…
Inside a prominent D.C. research organization
A man expecting a baby is talking with a female coworker.
Man: “Raising a dog is like raising a baby, right?”
Woman: “Hell no. You can beat a dog. You can’t beat a baby.”
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Nobody knows how to fking order a sandwich anymore
Thursday afternoon at Bethesda Bagel in Dupont Circle
Customer: “Tuna melt, please”
Employee: “What kind of cheese?”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t want any cheese.”
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And finally, the end of the line
On the Red Line toward Shady Grove
Metro operator: “All aboard, All aboard! Get off your iPhones and let’s go home!”
