Photo by Kevin H.Welcome to Dear John, a new column that ranks the bathrooms at some of D.C.’s most well-known establishments.
By DCist contributor Alan Zilberman
The Black Cat turns twenty this week, and the renowned independent music venue’s consistency is a welcome reprieve from the proliferation of small plate restaurants on 14th Street. At the Black Cat, it’s still cash-only, PBRs are cheap, and the bathrooms, well, look dubious. But upon closer examination, the facilities come with enough bells and whistles that the discerning bathroom-goer will find much to admire.
+5 for shelf space: Along the row of bathroom stalls, there is a discreet shelf where bar patrons can put their beer or high ball. It’s a welcome alternative from urinating with one hand since no one is THAT ambidextrous when they’re hammered.
-3 for appearances: Look, no one expects a 5-star experience in the same place where Pig Destroyer comes to town, but there’s no denying that, aesthetically at least, the place looks runs down. There’s graffiti everywhere, discarded paper towels are on the floor, and the mirror is dirty. Because this is a dive bar, the Black Cat only gets a minor infraction for appearances. Dads who take their kid to their first show may look onward in disgust, but the typical regular should have no problem.
+2 for low urinal to stall ratio: This is a little counter-intuitive. Normally I value a lot of options, but the lack of stalls serves as a suggestive deterrent. It’s as if the owners themselves are saying, “Dude, don’t take a dump here. Gross.”
-1 for a rickety bathroom door: I like the illusion of separation between the bathroom and the rest of the bar, and the Red Room’s bathroom door looks as if it’s ready to destroy a barrier that’s very necessary. Women enjoy a short hallway before their restroom, whereas the men’s opens out to the ATM. Can you imagine the horror that will ensue when the door finally gives way?
+4 for ample paper towels: No one should expect a Dyson Air Blade in a true dive bar.
Overall score: +7. Just plan your trips to the stall before and after your visit.
