Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, so check out the archives here.
Metro was in the news last week, thanks to a video of drunks falling off platforms and escalators released a day before New Year’s Eve. Perfect timing.
Overheard of the Week
On the Blue Line pulling into Pentagon City, around 1:30 a.m. on New Year’s Day:
Metro train operator: “Sir, you cannot urinate on the platform. That is just totally wrong. Oh, boy. OK, well, next station stop is Crystal City.”
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After the jump tourists, more NYE shenanigans, and the bus.
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And they probably know more than most Americans
Two out-of-towners leaving the Eastern Market Metro station, heading toward Barracks Row:
Out-of-towner 1: “Seeing the Speaker [of the House] yesterday just absolutely made our trip to D.C., right?”
Out-of-towner 2: “I know! I can’t believe how old John Bayer looks, though.”
Out-of-towner 1: “I hope he takes the aspirin his family owns so he doesn’t have any heart attacks!”
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Vroom
At the Wizards-Pistons game Saturday night:
Guy 1: “What do pistons have to do with basketball anyway?”
Guy 2: “I mean, it’s Detroit. It’s about the city. They used to make a bunch of cars there.”
Guy 1, obviously not getting the point: “I mean, it doesn’t make sense. Why not the San Diego Radiators?”
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Need serious pants then
At the Target in Columbia Heights:
Two 20-something women are talking and shopping.
Woman: “I can’t wear these pants at work, they’re too tight. It would be inappropriate.”
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Check out Spike Mendelsohn’s new prison-themed restaurant!
Friday at 3:30 p.m. at a bar on H Street NE:
Two women in a booth are talking.
Woman 1: “I just want to get arrested. I don’t want a permanent record or anything, but I want to get handcuffed and taken to jail for an hour.”
Woman 2: “And take a cab home.”
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How often do normal conversations actually happen on the bus, anyway?
On the 92 bus:
An African American lady is talking to a young white woman as she boards the bus.
Older lady, in a friendly tone: “Hey white girl.”
Young woman, snarkily: “Why do you have to call me white?”
Older lady, still friendly: “Oh, I’m sorry, what do you want me to say?”
Young Woman: “Hi.”
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Duh
In Foggy Bottom:
A group of middle-aged men are walking and talking: “No one taking Thorazine would ever be prescribed Xanax. Everyone knows that!”
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Amateur night
New Year’s Eve outside an apartment complex:
A small group of 20-somethings return to the apartment complex. A clearly drunk couple is arguing.
Woman: “Really, Brad? Really?! You want to go there right now?”
Man: “Oh, I’m going to go there and send you a postcard, baby.”
Door slams. Fifteen minutes later the girl is back outside, puking in the bushes.
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