Photo by em_ali
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
It’s field trip season in D.C., which means hordes of middle and high schoolers are here, seeing the memorials, the parks, the history, the architecture. You know, all the great stuff D.C. has to offer!
Overheard of the Week
April 20th around 5 p.m. in Union Station:
A chaperone to a group of teens: “There will be a Starbucks in the Wal-Mart we are going to tonight.”
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
After the jump, Hill bros, college kids, crooks and smart kids.
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Been there
Around 6 p.m. on a Friday in a Senate office building:
Two early to mid-30’s staffers on the way to the elevator to head out for the day.
Woman: “It’s one of those places where you can’t even enjoy sitting at the bar.”
Man: “Yeah, too dark and depressing?”
Woman: “No! I love dark and depressing bars. This place was way too upbeat.”
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Kids are smart
A boy, around 8 years old, is waiting in the check-out line with his father at the CVS in Court House on Friday afternoon:
Boy reading the cover story title on a People magazine in quiet voice: “‘Who Is the Real Donald Trump?’ A psychopath.”
Father, visibly amused but trying to keep it in: “What makes you say that?”
Boy: “You can tell by the way he says things.”
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Criminally cute!
On the way out of the indoor panda enclosure at the National Zoo on Sunday afternoon:
Two young boys around 10 are talking about the pandas:
Boy: “Did you know that all those pandas were really criminals in suits and they’re in a high security prison because there were all those cameras?”
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Put that on the marketing materials
Wednesday night at Chaplin’s in Shaw:
Two late 20s/early 30s guys are sitting at a table outdoors.
One guy is apparently a grad student at Georgetown’s School of Foreign Service.
Guy: “You know what’s so great about my program? It’s so diverse.” [pause] “Well, intellectually diverse. We’re all white guys.”
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Maybe he’s the guy who snuck in and cooked a burger?
Monday, April 11 on the sidewalk outside the Five Guys on N. Fayette Street in Old Town Alexandria:
Early 30’s something guy on the phone, pacing on the sidewalk outside: “The question I really want to ask is: If I take the plea, will you guys think less of me?”
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Don’t tell Harrison Ford?
Two 40-50 something office workers are walking in a hall in a building in SW:
Man 1: “I’m so busy I feel like a one-armed man with two suitcases.”
Man 2: “Whoa. Now, that’s offensive.”
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Bravo, crossing guard
At Independence at 15th SW last week at about 9:30 a.m.:
Some tourist kids age about 10 or 11 are crossing the street about a foot outside of the crosswalk lines. Several crossing guards are standing nearby.
One crossing guard starts yelling at them: “Hey! Hey! Y’all go to school. You know where the lines are. Get inside them!”
The kids quickly complied as one of the other crossing guards is dying laughing.
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Sounds like a successful business plan
Two women in their mid-20s walking near downtown Silver Spring:
Woman 1: “I just don’t understand why there aren’t Beyonce dance studios I can just walk into RIGHT NOW!”
Woman 2: “Clearly people don’t understand the magnificence that is Beyonce and someone needs to bring them into the light.”
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Yes, exactly?
Sunday night in the Etihad Airways club at the Verizon Center before the Caps vs Ducks game:
Middle aged father to his 10 year old son with a plate full of food from the buffet: “Pace yourself, this is America.”
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Clearly
On the steps on the Capitol on the House side:
Three young-ish men approach the steps and call up to the Capitol Police officer at the top.
Man 1: “Sir, is this an entrance?”
Cop: “For Members it is.”
Man 1: “Members of what?”
Cop: “….of Congress!”
Man 1: “Oh, well… we’re not that!”
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Would be nice
Saturday afternoon on 14th St:
20s-ish woman to man: “So, I had my dad’s accountant do my taxes and I thought they were just going to pay for it.”
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Just when you thought Hill people were ok
Leaving Senate office buildings after work:
Hill bro to another: “She’s like, ‘I’m not your rebound!’ And I’m like, ‘You’re not, I’ve fucked like four girls already.”
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Would really like to hear the other end of this conversation
Farragut Square around 4:45pm:
A man, 40s-50s, was sitting on a bench talking into his phone: “Did it smell like horse manure? Did it or did it not smell like horse manure?”
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Kato Kaelin?
Near Farragut Square around the morning rush hour:
Mid 20s blonde woman walking and talking on cellphone: “You want to know something funny? Guess who I’m sharing a villa with?”
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And finally, the king of all burns
At Nats Park during a weekend game:
A group of boys, aged 8-10ish, are sitting together. The boys start telling “your mama” jokes, starting off nonsensical.
Then out of nowhere, one of the boys: “Your mama is so stupid she got married twice, once to Donald Trump and then to Ted Cruz.”
