As ever, the joke is on you for reading these horoscopes and thinking they will reveal a cosmic truth about your existence. Still, though, the weather is getting nice enough for a little stargazing, so why not base your future decisions on their motions?

Illustration by Ari Saperstein.

ARIES (March 22—April 21): No matter how fast your fingers or internet connection, you will never score tickets to the Kusama exhibit. Every day is April Fools this month.

TAURUS (April 22—May 21): You’re in a full rut, and all of the water play and bleating in the world won’t help you get out of it. Your chance to emerge might be fleeting, but you can still make the best of it. Every day is April Fools this month.

GEMINI (May 22—June 21): Whether during a networking happy hour or a high-stakes heist, “fake it ’til you make it” is a maxim to live by. Every day is April Fools this month.

CANCER (June 22—July 21): While others are voicing concerns about what you’re up to, you’re more in the mood to double down. Every day is April Fools this month.

LEO (July 22—August 21): If you add a dash of whimsy or whiskers, you can get people to open their wallets for just about anything. Every day is April Fools this month.

VIRGO (August 22—September 21): You might be sitting in the driver’s seat, but you’ve got your eyes just about everywhere but the road. Every day is April Fools this month.

LIBRA (September 22—October 21): You’ve been daydreaming about a sexy, dangerous existence. Too bad reality is a bit more tedious. Every day is April Fools this month.

SCORPIO (October 22—November 21): When someone tells you they’re giving up, believe them. Every day is April Fools this month.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22—December 21): There’s nothing that you won’t wait in line for these days. Every day is April Fools this month.

CAPRICORN (December 22—January 21): Leaving the dog poop of your life on someone else’s lawn will lead to great shame. Every day is April Fools this month.

AQUARIUS (January 22—February 21): Spreading yourself thin means that you won’t be waiting in the wings anytime soon. Every day is April Fools this month.

PISCES (February 22—March 21): Life has always seemed contained for you, but all it takes is one peck to reveal a much larger world beyond what you’ve known. Every day is April Fools this month.