Photo by Kevin Harber
Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
There are a lot of states in the US. It take some time to learn them all, and it can be mind-blowing.
Overheard of the Week
At the Parade of the States at the National Book Festival
A young boy, maybe 7, is going around to each state’s table with his mom to get a stamp so he can redeem his completed stamp book for a prize.
As they pass the West Virginia table, he asks his mom: “Wait, there’s more than one Virginia?!”
Mom: “Yes, there are two!”
Boy: “Who would want that many Virginias?!”
Woman at the West Virginia table, amused: “Wait till you hear about the Carolinas and the Dakotas.”
——
Where’s the beer?
Saturday night on the first floor of Ten Tigers Parlour
A group of bridesmaids are coming downstairs from a wedding reception on the second floor. One woman’s long, heavy heels make a racket on the stairs.
Bridesmaid: “I feel like a Clydesdale!”
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But who’s counting
At Old Ox Brewery
Guy in line for food to another guy in line: “I work for the sixth largest defense contractor in the United States.”
——
Yes, but does it have a gallon of cream and a cup of sugar?
At Blue Bottle coffee in Union Station
Two guys in their early 20’s are in line. One is holding a cup of iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts.
Guy holding DD cup: “So, what do you get here?”
Guy waiting in line: “I’m thinking I’ll get the single origin espresso.”
Guy holding DD cup: “What exactly does that mean, single origin?”
Guy waiting in line: “You know, like it comes from one place.”
——
The last straw
In Cava in Rockville
Mother: “Honey, do you want a straw?”
Teenager: “Mom! Don’t you care about the environment?!?!?”
——
One of those overheard where more context might be awesome, or might spoil it
On the Metro Saturday evening
Three 20-something women are discussing things that can go wrong in rideshares – unfriendly drivers, getting attacked, etc.
Woman 1: “And you DID tell me your story.”
Woman 2: “Did I tell you my story?!”
Woman 3, possibly changing the subject: “Did she tell you about her cannibal friend?”
Woman 2: “First of all, I don’t have a cannibal FRIEND, it’s like…”
[Woman 1 cuts her off and changes the subject.]
——
Do what now
Outside SweetGreen
“Are you guys people who feel strongly about the abolition of tennis?”
——
Puberty?
On the service lane in Cleveland Park
Three late-teen boys are walking and talking.
Boy 1: “And when you get married—for life—you have to do everything she says.”
Boy 2, voice audibly cracking: “NoooOOOOooo…”
——
Brown flip flops
At the gym, in the dumbbell area
Bro 1: “I’m moving out to Ballston next month.”
Bro 2: “Cool … wait, did you say Boston or Austin?”
Bro 1: “Ballston … Virginia.”
Bro 2: “Whyy?”
——
Uhh…
At Starbucks around mid day
A man and woman in mid-to-late 30’s, presumably work colleagues, are in line.
Man: “You know, sometimes I just really crave prostitutes.”
——
Empathy! Catch it!
Near Metro Center
A woman in jogging gear near is walking down the street while talking on her phone: “It’s like, I don’t really know how to talk to people about their problems, because whenever I have a problem I just fix it. You know, like, go to the florist and say ‘I need this fixed.’”
——
Must be nice
Friday at 2:30 p.m. on K Street NW
Man in business clothes walks out of an office building and yells: “WEEKEND!”
As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.
