It’s not just a new month, but an entirely new year. Before you start turning over new leaves, remember that there’s no indication that January of 2019 won’t hold just as much shittiness as all the months that came before it. 

CAPRICORN (December 22—January 21): Because it’s your birthday, you’ve been feeling like you deserve the fanciest things—helipads, tax incentives, new headquarters—red tape be damned. If you muster all your power, you might just get your way. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

AQUARIUS (January 22—February 21): Just because something is named after you doesn’t mean it’s all about you. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

PISCES (February 22—March 21): This January, you will be forced to set fire to your professional accomplishments in pursuit of a larger goal. It may make strategic sense, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. Try not to gawk after lighting the powder trains. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

ARIES (March 22—April 21): Once upon a time, your personality was infested with rats and a lot of folks still view you that way. This is the month you realize that you’ve got some noteworthy qualities, even if you’ve retained your penchant for drama. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

TAURUS (April 22—May 21): Much like the postal service in a bevy of D.C. neighborhoods, you will be less than reliable this month. Some may even call you nonexistent. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

GEMINI (May 22—June 21): If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. If you still don’t succeed, keep on trying. They say third time’s a charm, but sometimes you need to plug away way more than that, suffering pratfalls and other humiliations. People do tend to admire determination, but only you can say whether it’s worth it. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

CANCER (June 22—July 21): You’re feeling a little listless at the start of the new year. So without a true sense of purpose, why not hold some kind of contest to figure it all out? A little bit of nut goes a long way.

LEO (July 22—August 21): Your ego is smarting from all of the people calling you non-essential as January kicks off, but there’s a silver lining: with pity comes free food. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

VIRGO (August 22—September 21): You’ve moved before, sometimes because you’ve outgrown your space, other times to avoid demolition, but this month’s move will have more of a permanent sense if you start building around your new location. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

LIBRA (September 22—October 21): Words like “controversial” and “unqualified” have long haunted you, but that’s never stopped you from getting the gigs you’ve wanted. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

SCORPIO (October 22—November 21): This month, your spine will stretch as you give birth to new ideas. It’s not an aesthetically pleasing development, but it will help you consolidate your power further. A little bit of nut goes a long way.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22—December 21): You might call it a couple of pals emailing back and forth every once in a while. But if you’re an elected official, people are not going to be quite so generous in their interpretations of the way you’ve been acting. A little bit of nut goes a long way.