Another month has begun, meaning we’re back to give you everything you need to know to plan for it—only, there’s absolutely zero astrological expertise to back any of this up. Moving right along, March has a reputation for moody weather that ranges from unexpected snowstorms to surprise opportunities to don a tank top, just like Pisces have a rap for an emotional state that can switch easily from a lion to a lamb and back again. So for Pisces, happy birthday to you. To everyone else, buckle up: A storm is brewing and it’s gonna last all damn month. 

PISCES (February 22—March 21): For your birthday, you ought to throw a big ole pizza party. Just make sure you think very carefully about which pies you pick. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

ARIES (March 22—April 21): You will go from a fancy office to a basement, but at least you will be your own boss. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

TAURUS (April 22—May 21): During March, you will face a seemingly big decision. But honestly, it won’t matter what you choose in the end. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

GEMINI (May 22—June 21): This month you will see something that looks dystopian, though people will ensure you that it’s just pretend. But don’t forget those images. They’re not as far off as you’d like to think. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

CANCER (June 22—July 21): Stay in touch with your high school friends. They’ll hook you up in a big way this month. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

LEO (July 22—August 21): That strange sound you’ve been hearing in your walls might be nothing at all. Or, you know, it could be a burgeoning rat metropolis. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

VIRGO (August 22—September 21): Don’t be afraid to eat in public this March. Aside from making sure you’re nourished, it may pay off in a more unexpected way. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

LIBRA (September 22—October 21): You will feel particularly unmotivated to tidy up your living space this month, but here’s a tip: imagine that you’re part of a performance art exhibit. How thought-provoking you are! And how clean, too. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

SCORPIO (October 22—November 21): Have you noticed that the higher-ups at your job have been acting much more relaxed? The secret is in the doughnuts they’ve been eating. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22—December 21): You’ll book a gig that will seem like a dream come true, only to have most of your work cut from the finished version. Still, at least you made it on set. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

CAPRICORN (December 22—January 21): Are humans boring you? Perhaps this is the month you widen your imagination and get into aliens. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.

AQUARIUS (January 22—February 21): You’ll find yourself on a bigger stage than ever before, surrounded by awards that aren’t for you. Stop your doubting—Justice lives.