Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

Overheard of the Week:

Saturday afternoon at Wawa on 19th Street NW, a mid-30s couple is sitting together to eat. He is wearing a biking outfit

Man: “Would you like a mozzarella stick?”
Woman: “Nah, I’m good. Do you want some of this Propel water? It has electrolytes.“
Man: “No, I don’t eat artificial foods or anything with added sugars.”
Woman: “Uhhhhhhhh but mozzarella sticks?”
Man: “Yeah, but like, it’s cheese.”

——

Same

In Adams Morgan on Friday night, a group of guys and girls in their 20’s, possibly co-workers, are walking

Guy: “My roadblock is existential crisis.”

——

What you learn in law school

At a loud bar in Ballston, two bro types are talking to each other

Bro 1: “I REALLY like IPAs. I mean, my tolerance is so high that unless it’s like 7-8 percent …” (unintelligible)
Bro 2 says something unintelligible.
Bro 1: “I mean, like what do you do?”
Bro 2: “I’m a lawyer.”
Bro 1: “Oh. Then yeah, you can drink.”

——

Who says romance is dead

On 2nd St NE near REI

Young woman on the phone with a friend, presumably discussing a date: “I’m happy you had a great time!” (Pause) “You said he was cool, you never said he was intelligent. Those are two different things.”

——

Sometimes you should talk on the phone in private

March 18th while walking past Shaw Metro around 8 pm:

A woman in her mid twenties is talking on FaceTime with (presumably) a very close friend: “I have to head down into the escalator, but you should shower and clean your cyst before tomorrow.”

——

Their new slogan

In Adams Morgan on Thursday night, two guys in their early 20s are talking. The first one is looking for a scooter on his phone while his friend, who is already riding a scooter next to him, is also looking at his phone.

First guy: “Looks like there’s one up by Amsterdam Falafel…” [looks up at friend] “Dude, don’t text and Bird!”

——

Hey, these things happen

On Connecticut Ave. in Van Ness

A man is Facetiming someone and shouting into the phone: “I need you to have sex with my wife!”

——

Kids are sneaky

At a breakfast event in a D.C. elementary school:

A kindergartener takes a full adult-size donut and says to a mom (not hers) next to her: “My mommy’s not here, so I can have sugar!”

——

New marketing campaign

At 14th and U Street, a group of possibly inebriated twenty-something women are walking.

Woman 1: “Look, it’s Trader Joe’s!”
Slightly More Inebriated Woman 2: “I love Trader Joe’s. It should be called Trader Renee’s. That’s me, Renee.”
(Renee jumps over the metal barrier into the loading dock machine.)
Woman 1: “What are you doing?!”
Renee: “I just love Trader Joe’s!!!”

——

Do what now

At 15th and L on a Thursday after work:

A guy crosses the street and sees his friend waiting on opposite block, and says loudly: “Speaking of white privilege, that’s a mighty big espresso you have there.”

As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.