Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.
We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.
We have soccer fever lately with the U.S. winning the Women’s World Cup. But somehow not everyone got the message. (This one was tweeted, but it was too good not to share.)
Overheard of the Week
At Whole Foods in Silver Spring:
Husband: “I didn’t know there was a Women’s World Cup.”
Wife: “Say it louder so everyone knows what a dick you are.”
——
Good advice
In Penn Quarter, the night of the World Central Kitchen fundraiser:
People with wristbands are wandering among the participating restaurants.
20-something guy in navy suit to friend also in suit: “You don’t want to go there, it’s all guys in suits.”
——
Word to the wise: maybe choose a more private place for an interview.
Daytime in a cafe:
Two people are sitting at a table, seemingly in a job interview.
The interviewee is speaking very loudly about how he oversaw gifts to President Trump. He tells the interviewer that he was previously deputy chief of staff, and tells the barista he worked at the White House.
Interviewer says he is looking for a marketing person. Interviewee says he just finished choosing floor designs for the executive residence, which he says has nothing to do with his job.
Interviewee: “You just do whatever you want to.”
Later, after saying he works seven days a week and that he wants to get back to what he’s good at:
Interviewee: “How many times can you work on floor renovations or give the president a budget report?”
——
Oh, dad
In the Foreign Service Institute visitors badge line:
Dad: “Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges”
Elementary-school-age son is confused.
Dad: “It’s a line from a movie…”
Dad then retells a sanitized version of the entire Blazing Saddles scene.
Son: “Ok… But why do we have to wait?”
Dad: “Um, but here, ah, we do need badges.”
——
Tourists in a hurry
At 17th and Penn around 8:45 a.m.:
An early 50s woman is leading a group of ten teenage boys and girls in matching gray t-shirts with Lincoln’s face. She walks into the street, hand extended and staring down traffic forcing four lanes of traffic to stop. Her group hesitantly follows behind, clearly mortified.
Passerby: “The hand was already flashing, you only had to wait 10 more seconds.”
Woman, in a huff with an air of indignation: “We have very important places to be!”
——
At the NoMa Starbucks:
A woman is exiting the Starbucks to her patiently waiting Cocker Spaniel, sweetly saying: “Who’s the most handsome boy in the world?”
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Maybe it’s telling you something
Two 40 somethings in a neighborhood bar:
First guy: “I just upgraded my cable system and now I have voice control. I can just tell it what I want to watch or record.”
Second guy: “You have to be careful. It sometimes has trouble recognizing long words. So when you want to watch The Bachelorette, you may have to say it three times.”
——
Well, there’s a difference between could and should
Walking past Camelot on M St around 5:30pm:
Suit to another: “And I was like, ‘you make millions, and you’re saying you can’t afford a $300 bottle of liquor?!’”
——
Humor is in the eye of the beholder
At Meridian Hill Park:
Two late teens or early 20s people are holding hands.
Man: “You know what’s so funny?”
Woman: “What?”
Man: “In New York City, it’s illegal to hunt.”
Woman, incredulous: “What?”
——
Put him in a home already
At Metro Center:
One 20-something guy to another: “He has no interest in the internet because he’s old, you know, like 40.”
——
Hell yeah!!
At Front Page:
Three barely-21 skinny guys with huge backpacks are enjoying the house margaritas.
One guy to another: “Bro! I TOLD you they have bruschetta!”
——
Riiiight
Evening on the 4th of July on Calvert Street in Adams Morgan:
A tourist family is walking. The rumbling sounds of military jets is heard overhead.
Boy (about 9 years old): “Did you hear the thunder?”
Dad, seemingly serious: “That’s not thunder, that’s the Space Force.”
——
Where’s my invite
On a bench near the Georgetown waterfront:
“When Robert asks if I want to eat at the club tonight, he means go for samples at Sam’s Club.”
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As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.
