Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

Many of us are running on an intense sleep deficit this week. I wouldn’t dare to call it a national issue, though I might hazard to call it a Nationals issue …

Overheard of the Week

Overheard in the Pentagon hallway

Guy: “What’s the matter, you’re not getting to bed early enough?”
Woman: “No, I haven’t been.”
Guy: “Well, that’s your problem.”
Woman: “It’s a Nationals problem.”

——

Just wait until he asks why there’s a new goldfish …

At the Blessing of the Animals at the Franciscan Monastery 

Toddler in his mom’s arms: “Where is God?”
Mom: “Oh, that’s a big question. We’ll talk about it later.”

——

The wand is officially ready for some magic

At P St. Whole Foods on Halloween at about 7:30 p.m., an attractive man is dressed up as “Sexy Harry Potter” (i.e. Harry Potter costume, but robes open and shirtless to show off abs)

Another man walks past: “LeviHOsa!”

——

Gonna start using that answer on my medical intake forms

A reporter is interviewing a drag queen at the annual D.C. High Heel Race

Reporter to participant: “What’s your name?”
Drag Queen: “Sister Kiki”
Reporter: “And your age?”
Sister Kiki: “Oh honey, I’m timeless” *walks away*

——

Sage advice

On a Green Line train leaving the U Street Station on Tuesday

The conductor on the intercom: “Customer on the second car from the lead: please do not use the restroom on the platform, because there is no restroom on the platform.”

——

Way fewer calories this way

Two women in their early twenties are talking while walking down 14th St. NW

Woman: “I don’t really like to full-on rage. I like to do some raging. I’m a rage-light kind of girl.”

——

We all know exactly what she meant

Two adults and two 4-to-5-year-old girls are making their way out of the Dulles baggage claim area to the curb

One of the girls, noting the banner on the wall: “Mom! It’s the Great Wall of China!”
Mom, pointing at another image on the banner: “Yeah! And what’s that?”
Girl: “Um … The tower of France!”

——

Fall is basically a minefield

A (presumably) single male in his mid twenties is on a hayride at Butler’s Orchard with lots of couples in the tractor

Single Man: “This shit would be so cute if I was in love.”

——

You deserve better if she doesn’t love you at your Dragon Ball Z

Two guys at Mission Navy Yard during Game 3 of the World Series are dressed as Dragon Ball Z characters, complete with wigs

Blonde wig: “Dude, I saw [assuming it’s an ex gf] over there with her new guy.”
Purple wig, [terrified look on his face]: “Oof man, I really don’t look my best right now.”

——

A fatal mistake

Two dudes are riding their bikes up 14th St NW at Florida Ave. carrying tennis gear

Dude riding in the back, yelling to his friend ahead: “Oh shit! We forgot to add sugar to the kombucha!!”

——

Real Garfield the cat energy here

Two workers walking to their office in Tyson’s Corner on Monday morning

Worker 1: “How was your weekend?”
Worker 2: “IT SUCKED.”
Worker 1: “Why?”
Worker 2: “Because I knew I had to come back.”

——

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.