Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

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We know about our reputation for having a less-than-thriving dating scene, but this is a scathing critique.

Overheard of the Week:

Girl in late 20s in a coffee shop on Eye Street to another girl in 20s:

Girl 1: “I can’t marry someone less interesting than me, and everyone I’ve met in D.C. I’m more interesting than.”

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Congratulations, sir

Man in late thirties or early forties walking through the DC Tattoo Expo:

“Finally all my Heather tattoos have been covered up.”

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Honestly, that IS misleading

While on the metro, a married couple, likely in their 50’s and tourists, talk about what they wanted to do while reviewing the metro map:

Woman: “Wow, I had no idea they fit the entire Mount Vernon in the city.”
Man: “We will have to get off there to take a tour.”

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Everything about this sounds right 

Friday lunchtime, two late-20s bro types are having lunch:

Guy 1: “Did I tell you I joined this dating app called The League? They match you with the craziest people! Like you have a 1 in 5 chance of being matched with the CFO of Harvard admissions or something.”
Guy 2: “Yeah my friend was on that and she got matched with some guy that got arrested for white collar crime, like bank fraud or something.”
Guy 1: “Dude, stay away from bank fraud man.”
Guy 2: (Nods in agreement)

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ABCs as Rorschach test

Working professional mom on the phone with her (evidently) young child, reviewing alphabet lessons before bedtime, on the Acela to D.C.:

Mom: “Next is the letter ‘S’. ‘S’ as in … spreadsheet … and spritzer!”

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We usually just wing it

Metro train 7 a.m. on the way to work. It’s two ladies both probably early 40s

Lady 1: “How do you know what door opens? It says the doors open on the left but which side is left?”
Lady 2: “I dunno… I think it’s just random.Cause like if I’m facing one way then it’s left… but if I’m facing the other way then it’s right. So it’s just random.”

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Should we be … offended?

Near the Woodley Park Metro:

9ish year old boy: “Mom! We have to wait for the crosswalk! We aren’t New Yorkers!”

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Everyone’s got their dealbreakers

Sunday afternoon at the AMC theater in Georgetown, after the trailer for the new live-action Mulan movie plays:

Woman: “Did you watch Mulan when you were little?”
Man: “No.”
Woman: “Eww.”

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We’re calling the cops

Two mid-twenties women in the Glover Park Trader Joe’s on Sunday:

Woman 1: *nervously* “Should I get a pot pie?”
Woman 2: “Oh absolutely you should.”
Woman 1: “You know what? Let’s do it. Let’s be BAD!”
Woman 2: “Yes! Let’s be BAD!”

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Small victories

A man is jogging down the Capital Crescent Trail, talking on a cellphone:

“It’s another day without World War Three, so I’m good.”

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This must be how I, Robot started

Young child of 8-10 years old to mom in Adams Morgan, Sunday mid morning:

Girl: “Siri knows everything.”
Mom: “I didn’t know that.”
Girl: “Yeah, you can ask her anything.”

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Uhhh, good luck?

A middle-aged businessman in a suit stands in an office lobby, yelling at his phone:

“I don’t know what to do, coffee water just won’t stop pouring out of every single opening in the cabinet.”

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These politicians get younger every year

At Mt. Vernon Square Metro Station today, a young boy (around 7 years old) throws his hands in the air as he’s walking with (presumably) his dad on the platform and says with gusto: “She’s the most socialist a capitalist can get!”

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Way to find the silver lining

At a coffee shop in Dupont Circle on an unusually warm Sunday in January, two older men have met for coffee:

Man 1: “Should we sit outside?”
Man 2: “Sure! If this is the end of the world, we might as well enjoy it.”

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We would watch this HBO show

40-something lady telling story to another woman through bathroom door at Ted’s Bulletin on 8th Street:

“Watch yourself. I’m trying to have some etiquette in this hospital, but I will punch you in the throat.”

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That’s commitment

Two Walter Johnson High School boys on the way to get lunch at the nearby Giant. One lifts his shirt to expose his midriff and says to the other:

“This is a one-pack.  And do you know how long I worked for it?”

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Common courtesy isn’t dead

Ambar Capitol Hill. Saturday at the height of brunch, 2 women are in line for the bathroom:

Woman 1: “I promise I won’t take long.”
Woman 2: “Oh I don’t need to use the bathroom, I just need to puke.”
Woman 1: “… do you want to go before me?”

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