Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

One way to form a squad.

Overheard of the Week: 

20-something guy talking to middle-aged woman at coffee shop in D.C.:

“You have five kids? That is more important than anything I could do in the armed services. You should get a medal for raising five Republicans.”

——

When one letter makes all the difference

Woman walking with a small group of middle school-age girls outside City Tap House in Penn Quarter:

“Ohhh, she said City Tap House… I thought she said we’re meeting at Titty Tap House!”

——

Unfortunately true 

At the MLK Memorial on MLK Day in the early afternoon:

A woman leading a tour group of about twenty people emphatically declares: “In 2020, you can use statistics for anything, even if your position is totally wrong!”

——

Who asked you! 

Woman in her early twenties is talking to a group of similarly aged people, all dressed in business attire:

“Wow, [D.C. is] just like Oklahoma City, but stressful.”

——

So much vanilla

In Columbia Heights Target on Monday afternoon. A millennial couple are perusing the candle selection:

Woman: “Our home needs a signature scent!”
Man: “Oooooh smoked vanilla! Let’s smell that one!”
Woman sniffs candle: “Ew! Oh god I hate it.”
Man: “Smoked vanilla…not a winner. How about amber vanilla?”
Girl, later in the conversation: “Great jobs—naming candles and naming nail polish. How do I break into that field?”

——

Alternate reality 

At the Capitals game, two men in their early 20s are talking:

Guy 1: “It’s funny how time flies when you’re playing video games—one minute it’s 6 p.m., the next it’s 4 a.m., then it’s 6 a.m.”
Guy 2: “Did you see that pass?  That’s exactly what I do on the video game.”

——

Go home already

At Vintage 78 in Dupont, where a middle-aged white woman was speaking with the manager:

“This is really good, and I live in New York!”

——

The debate of our times 

Near Navy Memorial/Archives Metro, two early thirties well-dressed men are talking

Man 1: “So, voice of the generation: Katy Perry or T. Swift?”
Man 2: “Gotta go with T.S.”

——

We all have this coworker

On the Acela, a woman in her 50s is on the phone:

“I’m on my way to New York for a meeting. I think I’m going to be fired. They just don’t understand the value I bring. If they say there is even one other person in the world that can do the job I do, they are lying. ”

——

Asking for a friend

At the life-size replica of a Huey helicopter from the Vietnam War at the Smithsonian Museum of American History:

Kid: “What happens if somebody gets in the helicopter?”
Mother: “Nobody’s getting in the helicopter..”
Kid: “But what happens if somebody DOES??”
Mother: “…you’re not getting in the helicopter.”

——

The wonder of youth, part 1

Two college-age guys talking on the Metro:

Guy 1: “Can you imagine how horrible dating was before social media? All you had to choose from was the population of your school.”
Guy 2: “Yeah, and like what? You’re supposed to just start talking to somebody in a bar?”

——

The wonder of youth, part 2

Teacher: “When you add too much water to your clay it gets mushy. Like a mud pie.”
Student looks confused.
Teacher: “Didn’t you make mud pies when you were a kid? You know, with dirt?”
Student: “Make mud pies? Outside? With dirt? That’s so 1990.”

——

We all have our favorite bus

Friday morning at the 16th and Irving St. NW bus stop. An S9 pulls up as a father is trying to coral his son (around 4) who seems to be on the verge of a meltdown.

Son: “I told you I want the S1!”
Father sighs heavily and picks up his toddler, limbs flailing to board the bus.

——

As always, we rely on you to overheard the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.