Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

Fearful of leaving their homes, many people are turning to delivery options and considering pet ownership to ease their loneliness. But I never considered that folks would want to get some reptiles in the mail … until now.

Overheard of the Week

Shaw, Friday night around 6 p.m., woman sitting on her porch drinking wine and talking on the phone

Woman: “I mean, obviously they have experience mailing snakes regularly, so they’re used to it.”

—

The honey mustard already looks irradiated

Two guys talking (six feet apart, of course) at Glencarlyn Dog Park

Guy: “It could be a nuclear holocaust and people will still go to Chick-fil-A.”

—

A protein-rich food trend for quarantine cuisine

A couple in their twenties peruses the mostly empty shelves at the North Bethesda Trader Joe’s

Woman (looking discouraged): “Want some … polenta?”
Man: “Huh? Placenta?”

—

Four red-headed Pinocchios for you

Three men in their mid-30s are talking by the George Washington Hospital

Man 1: “Did you know that all gingers are related?”
Man 2: “Yeah I saw that on TV too!”

—

Please do not adopt a dog

A young woman sitting in Meridian Hill Park watching the dog walkers

Woman: “This would be a good week to have a dog.  I just wouldn’t want to keep it.”

—

42? Maybe 45, tops?

A mom and two children are walking down a street near Eastern Market

Little Girl: “Are you 40, mom??”
Mother: ” I am NOT 40.”

—

Turns out botox is not an essential business

A 30-something woman, talking on the phone while walking her dog in Dupont Circle

Woman: “These days I’m doing FaceTime, but I’m in such desperate need of a tan that I look sick so don’t judge. I was supposed to be in Florida right now…. getting said tan. Obviously priorities changed. Just glad I managed to get a haircut and botox before the world shut down.”

—

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.