Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

It’s important to know your dealbreakers. (As you might notice, we have fewer overheards than normal this week. We’re guessing it’s because folks are staying home—good job!)

Overheard of the Week

While walking down the sidewalk in Trinidad

“I don’t care what kinds of relationship you’re in, you don’t lick the f*cking toilet!”
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Is that on Amazon Prime?

At the Bethesda Metro station elevator. An older man is about to get on with a bicycle. A couple are behind him. The older man pulls something out and uses it to push the button.

Woman: “Oh my God, did you see that? He used something to push the button. That’s so cool! What was that?
Man: “It’s a stick … ”

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Not all heroes …

Two cashiers at the self-checkout part if the Cathedral Heights Giant are talking

Cashier: “These people don’t clean their damn houses! They have no idea how! They ask me what products to use! How about the same ones you were already supposed to be using all along?”

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Makes you think

Saturday afternoon on a quiet street in D.C., two dudes on their porch drinking beer

Dude: “Anti-vaxxers are quiet these days.”

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Seems like bouncers are everywhere these days

14th Street Trader Joe’s. Long line outside. Staff member looks at line and walks up to a man

Staff member: “Are you around 60, sir?”
Guy: “Uh, NO.” *goes back to talking on his phone*

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.