Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

You might notice we have fewer overheards than normal. We’re taking that as a sign that folks are staying home and socially distant—good job! But as a result, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Potty training parents gotta do what potty training parents gotta do.

Overheard of the Week

In the home office, a dad’s attempt at potty training incentives:

2-year-old: “Watch TV?”
Dad: “You can watch TV if you go poo poo in the potty.”
2-year-old: “Watch Gruffawo?” (Gruffalo)
Dad: “If you poo poo in the potty, you can watch whatever you want. You can watch Slaughterhouse.”

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Bring your cat next time you go to the bathroom 

In the comments of a news article about rats crawling up pipes into people’s toilets: 

Comment: “Thank god my sweet little kitty is a stone cold psychopathic rodent killer.”
Reply: “Mine are untested, but I have high hopes given the naked aggression they display toward shadows, their reflections, and other imminent threats.”

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And on Wednesdays, we wear no pants! 

Couple walking on Klingle Trail in Northwest:

Her: “You can wear whatever you want on Fridays.”
Him: “Okay, but we aren’t getting rid of no pants Wednesday.”

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Friends in high places

At N Street and Wisconsin in Georgetown, two men in their 50s/60s are taking about small business funds:

“Well I spoke to Mr. Bezos this morning, so I think I’m going to be OK on funds…”

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Ah, a classic faux pas

During a public webinar that was being recorded:

Webinar host: “Great, that was really informative. So as we wrap up our webinar…”
Webinar guest speaker, unaware she has not been muted: “Hello? Hey Cheryl! Yeah, I’m just wrapping up this webinar…Oh I KNOW! I’ve seen the inside of EVERYONE’S living rooms this week.”

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Someone’s getting a negative performance report

On a conference call, a coworker responds to another who has a 5-month-old and a four-year-old.

Caller 1: “I guess you’ve got some interesting coworkers now.”
Caller 2: “Meh. One naps constantly on the job and the other has the attention span of a 4-year-[old].”