Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

Given the state of the world after more than a year of a pandemic, we are now taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

Three teenage girls in a high school hallway:

Girl 1: “You’re like the nicest person I’ve ever met.”
Girl 2: “No, she’s not. Didn’t you literally kill a child?”
Girl 3: “I absorbed my twin in the womb, that’s not the same thing!”

—

Oh.

A couple in their 40s are talking near the Columbia Heights Metro Station:

Man: “Are you on Twitter?”
Woman: “I have a Twitter account.”
Man: “But do you actively use it?”
Woman: “I use it for shootings. If I hear gunshots outside, I go on Twitter to see what happened.”

—

Definitely never heard that one before

A man and woman are talking at The Midlands Beer Garden on Georgia Ave.:

Woman: “I didn’t even get crabs in Ocean City!”

—

Never heard that one before, cont.

Conversation heard on U St. regarding the death of Charlie Watts:

Her: “Somehow Keith Richards outlasted another one.”
Him: “He must have made a deal with the devil.”
Her: “My sympathies for, you know, the devil.”

—

At least his Halloween costume is sorted out

Millennial man talking on the phone on 14th St., presumably talking about his fingers: “Yeah, I don’t know where I got them from. They’re like Grinch fingers. You ever see The Grinch, you know, Jim Carrey?”

—

If the dogs used straws, now that’d be impressive

Diners ordering on the patio of a Takoma restaurant:

L.A. couple, letting their dogs drink out of separately requested water glasses, despite the suggestion of dog bowls, brightly: “We’re vegan!! We snuck that in on you!”
Takoma server, eyeing the dogs: “Yeah. A lot of people here are.”

—

The kid is right!

A tourist family near the National Mall:

Daughter (maybe 12 years old) pointing to the Washington Monument: “Oh look at that! It’s almost like the one in Egypt!”
Mother: “What are you talking about?!?!”
Dad (shaking his head in disbelief): “Yeah, what the hell are you talking about?”

—

Show some respect

A couple talking at Black Cat:

Man: “It’s a decent venue, but like … I kinda like the whole shithole venue vibe.”

—

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.