Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. We’re also adding in some greatest hits from the Overheard archives.

Overheard of the Week:

Overheard outside a House office building on Wednesday, two women:

“Look at the sunset!”

“Beautiful! The flames of McCarthy’s dreams burning.” 

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There are no rules outside

Arlington National Cemetery on the approach to JFK’s grave and the eternal flame:

Preschool boy excitedly points and shouts in a loud voice: “There’s a fire.”
[An adult immediately hushes him]
The boy continues in that loud voice: “But we are outside.”

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Main character energy

On T Street NW between 17th and 18th, 30-something dude talking on his phone: 

“It was right after all the pictures got sent out, right after the gym, and I just SCREAMED, ok, louder than I’ve ever screamed in my life. It was like I was Ryan Gosling.”

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Bill Nye and Bob Ross should be honorable mentions on this list

A woman talking to a friend at The Gibson on a recent evening: 

“I like to think that there were a few people who helped raised me besides my father. Namely Steve Irwin and LeVar Burton.”

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Leave that shit at home!

At the Columbia Pike Trader Joe’s, Northern Virginia. Two TJs employees, one man and one woman:

Man employee: “I got my booster yesterday, and I had diarrhea and chills all night!”
Woman employee: “SHHH!! YOU CAN’T SAY THAT!  THIS IS A GROCERY STORE!”
Man employee: “Why? I was at home when it happened. It’s not like I did it right here in the aisle!”

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Ice, ice baby

A 30-something couple is walking past Mood DC in Columbia Heights on an unusually warm (60 degree) December evening.

Her: (gesturing to a wet patch on the ground) “My brain is processing that as ice, but I know it can’t” – (she slips and falls on ice)
Him: “I hope you’re okay, but that was really funny.” 

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This is why D.C. drivers get a bad rep

A mechanic is explaining all the issues he’s found on a woman’s car and what repairs are needed.

She says “I don’t need a replacement brake light! I can’t even see those!”

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That’s what they all say

In the dining room of the Cosmos Club:

“I’m a lawyer, trust me, there is no shortage of rich people with no money.”

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No shoes, no SoulCycle

Outside Ice Cream Jubilee on T St one evening, two young women are discussing a recent SoulCycle experience in enormous detail.:

Woman: “When I went in and the lady was like ‘Oh, you don’t have the right shoes,’ I was almost like ‘that’s ok, I’ll just go home.’ I was just having a disaster of a SoulCycle.”

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Leave that shit at home, Pt. II

H St NE at dusk, middle-aged woman on cellphone: 

“I wondered how she got the whole bag of turds!”

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Respect to the New Year’s resolution dedication

Overheard on Jan 1 at the Mayor’s Fresh Start 5K. Two twenty-something women running just past Mile 2:

Woman 1: “Are you feeling better?”
Woman 2: “Oh yeah I’m feeling fine! I just feel like I’m going to pass out.”

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(In my Wheel of Fortune narrator voice) The Wheel…Of…Saladsssss

While shopping at Snider’s (Silver Spring), from the deli counter clerk:

“Come on downnnn to the Wheel of Fortune of salads!”

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We’ll have to treasure those Bed Bath & Beyond moments. RIP

Irate twenty something guy on the phone in Bed Bath & Beyond in Falls Church: 

“No Mom. I’ve checked. It’s not here and not on sale. Probably because it’s not 1990.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.