Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

On a Metro escalator, an adult leader to a large group of teenagers in matching t-shirts:

“Stay to the left!”

—

Say it louder for the Tesla running a red light as we write this

College student speaking to a couple of students in a Catholic University building on a rainy evening in February:

“I hate it when it rains and people forget how to drive. It’s like, slow down, already.”

—

Ok, hear us out: the Metro

At the Caps vs. Sharks game, mid-game, Caps trailing 2-0. Four increasingly drunk 20-something bros discussing an early exit strategy if the game really goes south:

Bro #1 to Bro #2, who is maybe their driver: “So say if it’s 4-0, what are we gonna do?”
Bro #2: “I mean, I don’t know what to tell you, I’m gonna be as drunk as I’m gonna be. I’m not slowing down on the off chance we leave early.”

—

So THIS is why Mitch McConnell’s been around so long 

A drunk-sounding gaggle of people walking near Harvard and 15th streets NW:

Woman: “No, he’s really, REALLY hot. Like, when you run for office I WILL be voting for you.”

—

Well, where else does one put things?

Overheard leaving an elementary school in Northeast:

Dad to after school manager: “Ok, yeah, I guess we’ll go to urgent care.”
Small child, about 4: “We’ll go now?”
Dad: “Well, yeah, honey, if you put it up your nose…”

—

Leading with empathy <3 

Overhead on the Blue Line train after Rosslyn. A man is talking on his cell phone, probably in a voice louder than he knew: 

“He said he wanted to take sick leave for burnout, but I told him he had to use annual leave because burnout is not an illness.”

—

A lunch invitation, classic girl code for “want your sperm” ?????

Overheard at Iron Age, an all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue place in Columbia Heights:

Woman: “So my sister and her partner are looking into having a baby and she-”
Man: “And you want me to impregnate her, right?”
Woman: “What? No- are you crazy? Why would you say that? Gross!”
Man: “Well, you asked me to have lunch with you so I just assumed…”

—

Poignant 

At the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian. Father with his wife and young daughter, looking at a display of artifacts:

Dad: “This stuff’s all old!”

—

Um, maybe he moonlights as an archeologist?

Mid afternoon at the Mom’s Organic Market in Ivy City. Two female employees stocking shelves, hopefully not talking about dating:

Employee one: “No it’s bad, in his place he literally keeps dead body parts … (long pause) … From animals.”
Employee two: (After another long pause) “Yeah … that’s how it starts.”
Employee one: (In agreement) “That’s how it starts.”

—

And that’s what Valentine’s Day is all about

Overheard on a Miami-bound American flight awaiting departure from DCA:

“This pre-nup is a no-go.”

—

And with that, let the show begin! 

At the Kennedy Center “Club K” for a bluegrass concert Saturday night. It’s a small venue and everyone was talking before the show starts.

One woman turns to her friend and asks: “What are you up to this weekend?”
Band member comes on stage and the room quiets down right when her friend responds: “Doing what I do every weekend, trying not to murder my children!”