Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week:

In a Capitol Hill Trader Joe’s on Saturday, a young woman says to her male partner

Young Woman: “Two buck chuck is $4.50.”
Male Partner: “Inflation.”
…
Male Partner: “$4.50 buck chuck.” 

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Forget star-crossed lovers. Where’s the Netflix special on star-crossed robbers?

Man talking on his phone on the Silver Spring platform: 

Man: “I tried to rob Safeway in Silver Spring, but I got caught.”
Guy he happened to be passing as he said it: “Ayo? I work at that Safeway!”

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He’s a 10, but he can’t spell FEMA

Two women chatting at a restaurant in Dupont after spending Friday sifting through federal job applicants.

 “He seemed great, but he misspelled ‘FEMA’ on his resume.”

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It’s an Everything, Everywhere Croissant

Bro at Firehook in Dupont Circle: 

“Can I get that on an everything croissant?”
[Barista just stares at him until he asks for regular.] 

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Silence is the best policy

My two female friends and I were in an elevator in an apartment complex in Dupont Circle. 

My friend, to guy in elevator: “What’s your name?”
Guy in elevator: “You know I lived in Japan for four years, and I’m kind of used to silence in the elevator.” 

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20 minutes is close enough?

Leaving Peregrine Coffee on 7th SE/Penn, a woman gestures north towards the Eastern Market open air Sunday market.

Woman: “So is that Dupont Circle?”
Man with her, surprised but kind: “Uh…no, that’s Eastern Market. Dupont is about 20 minutes that way… [points NW].”
Woman: “Oh!”

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Put that on a college brochure

Two 60-something men walking around Bethesda

Man 1: “It’s the best education in the world.”
Man 2: “Yes, but without the prostitution.”

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They just don’t teach geography like they used to

Group of kids, clearly on some sort of tour to the National Zoo on a Saturday afternoon.

12-year old boy: “This is the most stressful trip I’ve ever made to D.C.! And also, it’s my first trip to D.C.”
12-year old girl, eating Dippin’ Dots: “Actually, I’m pretty sure we’re in Virginia.”

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Weekend essentials: Sugar, spice, and everything nice

Three twenty-something girls waiting for the light to change at the corner of 7th Street and Indiana Avenue NW were discussing their weekend plans. 

One enthusiastically to the other two: “Oh, that sounds like fun — sounds spicy!”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.